I miss them. (An Update on my Writing Life)

"There's always room for a story that can transport people to another place," -JK Rowling.

I miss them. I miss Wyatt and Terra. I miss Wyatt's dorky humor. His fiery tendencies. His strength. I miss Terra's kind passion. Her bright soul. Her strength.I miss walking with them, I miss watching them interact. I miss being with them as they grew and changed.  And now all I can do is look back on the journey.

The experience of writing this story has been nothing but cathartic. If you know me, this story has reflected my life, struggle, and personal growth over the past year and a half. And it means the world to me.

Though I could read about them forever, since their story can be contained in a hunk of pages, I still miss them. Because my time with them has ended. Because I am not the author of their story - I was just the one writing it down. I don't control them - they roam freely in my mind, living on. However, I am not allowed to follow them around anymore - because their part of the story has ended.

I long to run back to the Arizona desert, back to the unforgiving wilderness and it's deceptive ways.  I long to see them scrounging for food in the damply arid climate.  I long to feel the hot sun baking my skin.  The dusty rocks and the leathery lizards.  It's only now that I realize that it wasn't just Wyatt and Terra that pulled me in, it's the entire desert world that took me by the collar of the shirt and dragged me in. When I was stressed, I could just daydream of my story. If I was sad, I could think of their pain. Every day, I could lose myself in the Sonora desert with two teenagers so diverse yet so alike. And now, there's nothing.

That part of my story is over.  Sure, I can read about them until the cows come home, but it's never like walking with them over those red rocks and eating amaranth leaves in the hot, waning sun.

I wish I could do it all again, because the ride is always so much fun - I could not have asked for better. I walk with them through the ups and downs, and I love it.  Because, my experience as a writer has always been like playing God - since I have *ahem* some control issues.

One of the ways that I have always been able to relate to the vast and endlessness that is God Himself is to compare myself to Him.  Kind of.

For the sake of this metaphor, I'm God, and my characters are the humans on the earth.  I don't control them, but I see and guide and direct - and love.  While we look at each other with contempt and hate, all I see is my precious little cinnamon rolls who are too good for this world.

Because stories are important.  They flow in our veins, and they make us who we are. And I need to get my story out there.

"Our lives become the stories that we weave," -Once On This Island

And so this is why I'm considering taking a break from my story. It's one of those things where I get so involved in my work, that everything else falls apart around me - nothing else matters.  In my English Lit class, we recently read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, and a key part of the book is that Victor Frankenstein becomes so obsessed and involved in his craft that he can't see his art with clarity or objectivity anymore. I start to get sick of my story, start to have the words become monotonous and the characters become 2-D. Which sucks.

But the real problem is, is that while I have a few side stories I'm working on right now, none of them are sticking - and I'm still getting inspiration for Wyatt and Terra, and oh, good God, I miss it all, as I have stated many times before.

And I feel that if I let this story go, that it will never come back.  That I'll lose the connection with my characters and the passion for my story.  Which also sucks.

*sigh*

Something that I'm learning about myself is that I can't function without a creative project to work on. Something to throw myself into. And without a novel, I'm going slightly crazy.  My life feels pointless. 

So yeah.

~The WordShaker