Summer Classes, Novel Troubles, and Finding Myself (An Update)

"I write to discover what I know," -Flannery O'Conner

I feel like it's definitely been a hot minute since I've updated you readers on my life (since you obviously care so much and that's why you read my blog). So I thought I might get some things off of my chest. 

I went on a college visit in the beginning of this month to SCAD (the Savannah College of Art and Design), and I hate to say that I fell in love with it. It's writing program was exactly what I was looking for, and Atlanta and Savannah are beautiful art hubs. The atmosphere and attitude fit right with me, and I was entirely enraptured by the South and the college. 

me at the atlanta campus

It also scared the living daylights out of me. 9+ hours away from home, away from anything remotely familiar, all coming in less than 2 years. And I have to grab onto the coarse rope of the fact that God's got it all under control.

I'm only writing this so I can later believe it. 

~

I am also taking a summer class. Not for remedial purposes, but because I hate myself. 

No really, I just want to get ahead and get the required classes out of the way. While I've got some quirky boys I sit next to, it's not fun. Or, as fun as American government can be. 

Here's me having some great fun at summer school!

But hell, God put me in this class, told me to take this class for a reason. I'm just still struggling to find out what that is. 

~

As usual, I'm having novel troubles. I found myself stuck, listening to the wrong voices, the voices of my own self doubt, of my critical beta-readers - which, I know, that's what they're for - but I was letting that cloud my judgement. I was letting what they think influence the way I was thinking about my story. 

I had to disconnect. I had to stop the beta process, and take a few steps back. Reevaluate. And eventually, I got my groove back. Partially this was because of long driving hours to Georgia and also because of an amazing book I read, called The Distance Between Lost and Found by Kathryn Holmes, which inspired me to get back at it. 

And I found it again. I found my undying love for the story, and that's what's making it gold again. Not the advice from disconnected audience members, or critical mentors, but from what the story had weaved itself into, and what I wanted for it. 

And some nights, I still think that my story is absolute shit and that there's no amount of editing or rewriting that I could do to fix it, I just remember, I just hold true to what it's really about. 

And that's telling a good story. 

The beta process will start up again, but with different people and via a different method. And this time, I'll be prepared. 

And I'll keep persevering. 

~

I guess that feels better. I just needed to be real with you guys and stop posting such pre-planned and formal stuff. A swirl of other things have been going on in my life, and I just needed to talk about the things I could discuss here. God bless, and keep your eyes focused heavenward. 

Keep it real, WordShakers. 

~The WordShaker