Over-analyzing as a Writer | Olivia J

"Writing is an underestimated art. You are painting colorful images in people's minds by using words of black and white."

In literature class, what is most likely the first word in a set of questions on a worksheet?

Analyze. 

One of the largest elements of a literature class is to analyze the characters, the writing, the plot, the author's intent. This involves taking the actions and the words of the character or author to derive meaning or understanding from it. 

Translating this to being an author, this process works the same, but in the opposite way. The author must choose the precise words and actions to portray the right message, whether it be through a character or through word choice. 

As an avid reader and writer, I'm in this analyzing mindset constantly. 

Naturally, I carry this into my daily life - or, more accurately, reality. Because this is how I've been trained - by teachers or by my own practice of writing and reading - to see people, to see the world through this analytical lens of literature. 

However, people aren't characters. Life isn't a novel. And by applying this analytical lens to life, problems arise. 

Obviously. 

Because the goal of overanalyzing is to make sense of people, their words, their actions, and of things that happen in life. But sometimes people do irrational things. Sometimes life doesn't make sense. 

Sometimes no amount of mulling over people's words or considering their actions will make anything make sense. 

Sometimes it takes the grace of God to just do - to just be kind even when your heart wants to lash out because holy hell it just doesn't make any sense.  

And somehow, the over-analyzing, the assumptions just fade away with a little prayer and a lot of loving your neighbor. 

~

Preachy? Sure. True? Hell yeah. 

Just some revelations from your friendly neighborhood human,

~The WordShaker

X V I I I ~ Olivia J

"Creativity is an act of defiance," -Twyla Tharp

When I was a kid, I never thought about what I would be like when I was 18. 

I'd always imagine becoming a teenager at 13, my sweet 16, and then that elusive period of being an adult, of when I was past college age and all on my own. 

But never 18. 

Of course, being 18 doesn't feel any different. I never feel any older until a crisis sets in mid-December or January, and I have to start telling people my new age. 

Regardless, I never thought I'd be here. I never thought I'd have some of the best friends in the world still by my side.

I never thought I'd be a published author. I never thought I'd be going to the college of my dreams. I never thought there'd be almost one thousand of you on my Instagram. 

I never thought my life would be this way because I never thought about this strange, in-between stage. The stage where slowly, the ideals and characteristics of being young are stripped away. The stage when bricks upon bricks of responsibility are piled upon your back, and you finally realize how heavy it all is. 

But what's really gotten to me is how very little time I have left in the Breadbasket of America. It hit me at 2am on the night of my 18th birthday. It hit me on the last night of the musical. It hit me when Mom and I were making food in preparation for Thanksgiving. It hits me every time I drive past my old job, past my high school, past the woods that Andrew and I have turned into Narnia. 

Yet, I dream of my life in college. I dream of the freedom, the fertile, creative ground I'll be seeded into. I dream of my future, and the great and terrible adventure that stares me down. 

So, to everyone: I already miss you. But 18 presents insurmountable challenges that I have no choice but to face.

All glory be to Christ, to whom I owe everything. 

~The WordShaker

My First Love | Olivia J

"Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on," -Louis L'Amour

Writing will always be my first love. Everything else is just varying degrees of side hoes.

Taking God out of the equation, which seems counterintuitive, writing will always be my first earthly love, because it springs of a place of God.

My dad, when describing the musical genius Adam Young, always says that God just came down and dropped a little bit of glory, a smidgen of pure talent into Adam Young and blessed him. Not that I can compare to the electropop god himself, but it seems like it's the same concept.

Writing will always be my first love, because it's something so essential to who I am; it can never be removed. You can take the person out of the writing, meaning you can, with all that's physically possible, stop me from writing. But you can't take the writer out of the person, meaning no matter what, I'll always be a writer.

When everything is wrong, when even God seems far away, I always have my words. I'll always have my writing.

Because, while it might seem like I'm glorifying my writing, I'm not. My writing is a direct connection to God, and I know that He's listening, despite what I feel, despite if I ever hear anything back.

Writing will always be my first love, because when the whole world falls away, I know I'm a writer. I know that this is who I am in Christ, and that is my destiny and my fate. I know that because there's a spark, a never ending flame of passion, that can never be snuffed out. The spark that makes the words explode out of me in screaming color. The spark that makes my words touch people in their wounds. The spark that makes my heart cry to tell stories, to hear stories. To be a story.

Writing will always be my first love, ever since I drew terrible pictures of people and scribbled landscapes when I was four. I made my mom write down the narration and dialogue, and then we stapled them together. From that point on, my feet were set. I fell in love, as much as a four year old could, with stories, with art.

Writing will always be my first love. No questions asked.

~The WordShaker

The Best Year of My Life: 2016 | Olivia J

"The book that will most change your life is the book you write," -Seth Godin

2015 Wrap-Up

Everyone likes to bitch about how 2016 was the actual worst. And, I'll admit, some bad things happened in 2016 in general. Civil and global unrest, a shocking amount of celebrity deaths, and the circus that was the 2016 POTUS race. 

But I cannot join in the bitching, because 2016 has been the best year of my life. 

follow me on instagram @olivia.j.the.wordshaker

Sure, some bad things happened to me in 2016, because life is a mixed bag. But they're not worth mentioning, because the past is in the past. (If someone starts singing Frozen, I will resurrect Harambe to come and kill you.)

In 2016, I have learned not just to survive, but to live. This has been a year of new experiences, adventures, making new relationships, and constantly learning and constantly breaking down the self to make God even more the center of my world. 

~

On to the fantastic things of 2016!

I student-directed a play.

Adam Young made the best writing music ever.

My artwork was on a t-shirt. 

My writing and art was accepted into an art show.

I fell in love with Georgia.

I have rekindled my love for dancing via this year's homecoming. 

I discovered that football games are best when you have adventurous friends and someone to cheer for.

I took and passed my first college course, along with finding a glorious schedule of partial homeschooling.

I found great friends who will go on adventures with me.

Shoutout to my other great friends who I have grown infinitely closer to. 

I got to play the sensual, too-fun-for-my-own-good Mrs. Potiphar. 

I started a new novel after over a year of edits and beta readers.

I found the worst kind of breakups are the ones where you still like each other. 

And so many other things that I'm surely forgetting, because all of the good things that happened this year could never fit in one blog post.  

This year was bad and it was good and it was spectacular. And it was life. 

~

The most important thing I learned is that life is good. Life can always be good, even when relationships end, even when I can't write a single damn word, even when the stress of school, of everything leaves me crying on the floor.

But I tell it to myself because I know it in my heart of hearts to be true.

The past few years, 2013-2015 in particular, were every hard for me for reasons that I will keep private. In short, middle school and my freshman year of high school sucked. 

And the first part of my sophomore year was me pulling myself out of that, and the last section of me "finding myself". 

Throughout my entire life, I've never thought 'life' - or my life - was good. Life was okay, life was terrible, life was survivable. 

It's just this year that I've found that life is good - and life can always be good - no matter my circumstances no matter anything because God is the constant - my constant -  the axis on which everything else spins.

By that alone, I know that life can always be good. 

~

So my only prayer is that I let go of 2016, and never hold onto the past. I give 2017 over to God, so He can take me from glory to glory to glory, just like He always has. 

I'm going to stop now, because I could literally go on forever about how great 2016 has been. 

So, fellow writers and readers of my blog, write like you're running out of time, because it's another year down in the endless infinity of life. 

~The WordShaker

Testing my Faith | Olivia J

"If you can tell stories, create characters, devise incidents, and have sincerity and passion, it doesn't matter a damn how you write," -Somerset Maugham

Life's a ride, and I'm just here to tell you about my section of the long-ass, sweaty, cramped line waiting with an uncertain probability of getting on that roller coaster. 

But maybe that line is filled with great people. 

Life, actually, has been great. Partial homeschooling has been successful - in the academic sense and in the social/stress sense. I got a part in my school's musical. A cute boy asked me to homecoming. I've got more freedom than I've ever had before, and I've learned to throw myself into it headfirst. 

But my writing life has suffered. I've been trying to throw paper airplanes into the stratosphere - no story is sticking, no story is flowing out from me. And I hate it. 

Though it sounds stereotypical, stories - having a story to write - makes me feel alive. It's why I'm here, and without that, I feel aimless, like I'm wandering through life. 

But maybe I need to wander. Maybe I need to walk through the labyrinth of life, meet more people, process all that I am experiencing, hit rock bottom, fill myself up, so the words can come freely - so the story just explodes out of me. 

And so I wait. So I just live. I don't plan ahead, I don't over-analyze, I don't plot out everything so it all wraps up in a nice, little bow. I just live. 

Live, so that another great story can come out of this season of my life. 

Because seasons change. Things will get worse. And I don't say that to sound pessimistic, I say that because we have trials and tribulations - the storms will come again, but a story will blossom from it. It always does. 

In youth group a while ago, we read a passage in 1 Peter about how the bad stuff shows our character, brings out our real faith in God. 

And the whole time, I was just conflicted. Convicted, maybe. Because at my lowest point, through every struggle and strife, I felt more sure of God than I ever have. I always knew that God was the eye of the hurricane in my life - that He was the lightning rod I clung to no matter what. 

But now that life was good - I found myself on 'autopilot'. There were always other things that needed to be done, that I could or should be doing than taking care of myself mentally, spiritually. I am learning to hold onto God in the good times. Because the good times are the times we are more prone to selfishness, distraction, everything that could draw us away. 

Because how we act towards God when life is good are the real tests of our faith. 

And so, every day, I try and take a step back from all of this external good, and thank God for every thing - big and little. 

~The WordShaker

An Update on School | Olivia J

"Books are a uniquely portable magic," -Stephen King

School has been . . . fair. In case you weren't aware, I'm employing a very different kind of schooling for my last two year of high school. Read about it here. 

While it's been definitely better than my previous immersive experience in high school, it still has it's pitfalls. 

I can't relate to anyone. I am taking the road less traveled.

College is f*cking scary. No need to say more. 

It's overwhelming, because all of the pressure to get it done is all on me. 

It's new and it's different, and we've already established that I hate that. 

But, still, I've realized is that there's a reason for all of this madness. That I won't fail, because if God believes I can do it, if this is all God-ordained, then it will all work out. 

~

That shitfest was mostly for future reference and to make me feel better. 

I regret nothing. 

~The WordShaker

Karitos 2016

"We do not write to be understood. We write to understand," -C.S. Lewis

Karitos, the Chicago-area Christian Arts event of the year is over, and every time, I wish it didn't go so fast. Even though it was longer this year, it still flew by. 

There were things I loved, and things I was so disappointed about, but I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. Since I missed last year due to vacation, it was so great to be back in community with other creatives. 

@minimadi16 and me

I saw wonderful familiar faces, like amazing artists Linda Harris-Iorio, Lynn Zuk-Lloyd, seasoned veterans in the writing community, as well as new people that I'll connect with over the year and next year. 

I took some fantastic classes, especially from newbie Howi Tiller, in the theater department who taught classes that I could apply to my writing. 

One of the best was Healing Art from Lynn Zuk-Lloyd. The presence was so heavy, and this was evidenced in everyone's artwork. This is a quick and arguably terrible oil pastel about the epidemic of self harm in my generation, and how God just wants to love them beyond anything they can imagine. 

However, there was a few things that extraordinarily disappointed me. The writing program sucked. Some of my favorite teachers like the wise and captivating Jane Rubietta were nowhere to be found. The deep and technical classes were traded out for discussion based and inspirational classes. While they would benefit a budding and unsure writer, they are extremely shallow and unfitting for a seasoned writer sure in their purpose. 

I found the theater classes, especially ones taught by Howi Tiller, to be enthralling and extremely applicable to my writing. I took a music class for the first time, which was really scary. It was Developing Your Musicianship Through Improvisation, and while it was another good class with an amazing teacher, it still was pushing me out of my comfort zone.

But what disappointed me so much about this wasn't as much of that I didn't learn more about Christian writing, but that I missed the Christian writing community. I missed talking with them and relating to them and being with them. Because, more than anyone else, they're my people. And I missed them. 

Yet again, I got an awesome necklace from the eccentric and amazing Linda Harris-Iorio. This necklace is hand made, and is titled Word Warrior: It's time to write! This lady is awesome I want her to be my grandmother. 

But there were many other, overall significant things of Karitos. God was definitely growing me in the other arts, getting me out of my comfort zone with taking zero writing classes and mostly theater, art, and music classes. I'm secure in my writing, He knows that, we all know that, and I couldn't learn anything, I couldn't grow in the ways I needed to by taking the writing classes (obviously), and I took a step of faith by going to classes I probably never would have taken otherwise. 

Fun times. 

With all of the violence and disarray going on between the races, it was beautiful and downright glorious to see people of every tongue and nation, every age and background, together just shouting praises to God. It truly was a slice of heaven on earth. It was a God-sent example of true Christian unity. 

And I believe that this is significant. It's going to change race relations, one hug and one conversation and one smile at a time. 

Overall, Karitos was thebomb.com. I look forward to going every year. 

~The WordShaker

Summer Classes, Novel Troubles, and Finding Myself (An Update)

"I write to discover what I know," -Flannery O'Conner

I feel like it's definitely been a hot minute since I've updated you readers on my life (since you obviously care so much and that's why you read my blog). So I thought I might get some things off of my chest. 

I went on a college visit in the beginning of this month to SCAD (the Savannah College of Art and Design), and I hate to say that I fell in love with it. It's writing program was exactly what I was looking for, and Atlanta and Savannah are beautiful art hubs. The atmosphere and attitude fit right with me, and I was entirely enraptured by the South and the college. 

me at the atlanta campus

It also scared the living daylights out of me. 9+ hours away from home, away from anything remotely familiar, all coming in less than 2 years. And I have to grab onto the coarse rope of the fact that God's got it all under control.

I'm only writing this so I can later believe it. 

~

I am also taking a summer class. Not for remedial purposes, but because I hate myself. 

No really, I just want to get ahead and get the required classes out of the way. While I've got some quirky boys I sit next to, it's not fun. Or, as fun as American government can be. 

Here's me having some great fun at summer school!

But hell, God put me in this class, told me to take this class for a reason. I'm just still struggling to find out what that is. 

~

As usual, I'm having novel troubles. I found myself stuck, listening to the wrong voices, the voices of my own self doubt, of my critical beta-readers - which, I know, that's what they're for - but I was letting that cloud my judgement. I was letting what they think influence the way I was thinking about my story. 

I had to disconnect. I had to stop the beta process, and take a few steps back. Reevaluate. And eventually, I got my groove back. Partially this was because of long driving hours to Georgia and also because of an amazing book I read, called The Distance Between Lost and Found by Kathryn Holmes, which inspired me to get back at it. 

And I found it again. I found my undying love for the story, and that's what's making it gold again. Not the advice from disconnected audience members, or critical mentors, but from what the story had weaved itself into, and what I wanted for it. 

And some nights, I still think that my story is absolute shit and that there's no amount of editing or rewriting that I could do to fix it, I just remember, I just hold true to what it's really about. 

And that's telling a good story. 

The beta process will start up again, but with different people and via a different method. And this time, I'll be prepared. 

And I'll keep persevering. 

~

I guess that feels better. I just needed to be real with you guys and stop posting such pre-planned and formal stuff. A swirl of other things have been going on in my life, and I just needed to talk about the things I could discuss here. God bless, and keep your eyes focused heavenward. 

Keep it real, WordShakers. 

~The WordShaker

I'm not a Disney princess - I'm a Katniss.

"We write to taste life twice," -Anais Nin

Storytime, my wonderful readers.

 Last night, I went to go see PCHS's production of Beauty and the Beast and my dearest friend, Lauren, was cast as Belle.  Belle was always her favorite princess. They share so much in common, from being a daydreaming bookworm to an odd pariah. Her dreams came true when she was cast in this part. 

However, I was viciously jealous. Why was Lauren getting all the accolades in drama?  What did I do wrong?  Was I that bad?  Awful, selfish thoughts ran through my head. I was jealous because she got the lead, while I didn't even get cast in the spring play (I got to be the student director though). But still, this wasn't enough for me because I so desperately wanted to act. 

I tried my best to be happy for her, and truthfully, the good part of me was. I was overjoyed that she got what she wanted and was able to pursue her dreams, because I love her. But still, I felt less than, just a spectator watching a prima donna blossom. 

On the way to the show, I was talking about this with my mom. I was sharing my frustrations, and while she told me that I was getting accolades in other areas such as art and writing, nothing could make me feel better. Because I couldn't be the princess. 

However, she then said something that resonated deeply with me: 

"You see, you're not a 'Disney princess', you're a 'Katniss'."

 At first, I was like BUT I WANNA BE A PRINCESS, MOM! However, not a second later, I realized what she meant, and that it perfectly described me, that I related to it in ways that I could never relate to any Disney Princess. 

I am not a pretty little girl - I am a warrior. 

I don't wear dresses - I wear combat boots. 

I am not supple and passive - I am resilient. 

I am not pure - I am perfectly flawed. 

I am not innocent - I am wise. 

I am not a damsel in distress - I am strong, despite my gender.  

I am nothing that a Disney princess is - I am everything that a brave, outspoken, viscerally real, and complex  'Katniss' character is. 

And I'm finally realizing that, despite my childhood dreams and jealousy, I'm not a princess. I could never be a princess.

 I am so much more. 

andinnowayisthisabashonprincesses, okistillloveyoulauren

~The WordShaker

Part 1.4: You Were Born for This - Blog Journal of "Writing In the Glory"

"For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew is Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." -Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

Phew.  Sorry it's been so long since I've done one of these, but it's just been crazy lately and I've been posting some prewritten posts. 

I might be a little rusty. I've been working on my 'main hoe' novel, A Cactus In the Valley, however, this series is focused around my novel about a school shooting. 

1. What were some of your dreams and desires as a child? 

While my 'dreams' in terms of what I wanted to be have changed, the core value remains the same.  I don't want to be ordinary. I always knew that I want meant to do something more.  Something greater.

When I was a child, I never focused on my career. I just focused on what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be. I had wonderful parents who fostered the music inside of me, and let it play. Whatever I wanted to pursue, they let me, they supported me.  And of course, I had phases.  I wanted to be a figure skater for point-five seconds. But they stuck with the belief and faith that God had placed a gift inside of me, and that it was their job to sift through and search and bring it out in me.  

And I thank them tenfold for this. 

2. How have you seen God's hand in your life, weaving desires from long ago into your present situations? 

My favorite question :). Every once in a while, I will go back and read through old dreams I have had, and listen to tapes of the Good Ol' Christ The King days of people prophesying over me, and I am more and more amazed of how these things are coming true in my life now. Specifically, I remember many people telling me that I was going to be a servant leader. And this is what I'm doing now, in high school.  I am planting seeds of hope in a barren wasteland, preparing the way of the Lord in the hearts of the next generation. 

Not only that, I receive confirmation frequently that this is where I'm supposed to be - despite how much I despise it. I was heavily rejected at PCS, the school I went to from K-6th grade. They never understood my artistic creativity and passionate love.  They rejected my writing, which was blossoming in fifth grade. I became more and more uncomfortable in the tight mold that PCS was trying to shove me in. And halfway through sixth grade, I was convinced that I was supposed to go to public school. Not only was this being prayed about by my parents, but God placed the desire in me to go out there and explode into the woman of God I am today. 

Heh, I could talk about this subject for days. But all that really matters is how I feel right know, being secure and knowing that God's hand is moving in my life, that it's not all happenstance and that there is some meaning to this crazy world we find ourselves in. 

~

Then, it instructs to reflect and repeat a prayer. Following, is a self-discussion starter about releasing the message, etc.  Most of what this is should come out in the passage I write. 

Truly, the largest thing that's come out of me reading and studying along with this book is that this school shooting story needs to happen.  No matter how fetus it is in it's conception, no matter how underdeveloped or weak, it needs to be told.  And it will get there by the inspiration and grace of God. 

But God, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the world will push back just as hard as I push it. I'm afraid that I'll never reach my goals, that I'll never get my work out there, that I'll be stuck in a dead end job with a life I hate. 

But my dreams are among the stars and my hopes high. I am destined for greatness, and called to love.  Anything else that happens is just a stone on the path of life that You have laid in front of me. 

All praise and glory be to Jesus Christ, to whom I owe my all. 

~The WordShaker

Beta Readers and Life Lessons

"Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself," -Frank Kafka

 Because I have no regrets, I have made another YouTube video - an update on the beta-reading process, which is entirely new territory for me, and as always some encouragement for ya'll.

Beta Readers and Life Lessons

Much love, 

~The WordShaker

Part 1.3: Transformation - Blog Journal of "Writing In the Glory"

"The act of giving voice to this spiritual suffering is the sacred duty of the writer," -Mo Yan

Third times the charm, I see. I'm so glad you're back for the third installment of my ongoing study of 'Writing In the Glory' by Jennifer A. Miskov.

Transformation.

"You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody.  You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." -2 Corinthians 3:2-3

1. What impact do you want your life to have on others?

I want my books to speak to the deep places in people.  To entertain is the simplest, the shallowest, the least important of what I want to accomplish.  I want my books to have significance - writing without purpose is like eating just to eat, drinking just to drink - I write because I have something to say and that something is a message of hope that every soul needs.

2. What impact do you want your book to have on others?

I want this book to show people that even the worst of times can turn into the best of times - God turns our mourning into dancing.  That creativity can heal. That there is one thing that binds us together: the human experience - rich in love and hope and pain and fear, and above all, the ability of choice.

~

Much love,

~The WordShaker