Monday, December 31, 2018

TOP TEN-ish READS OF 2018 | Olivia J

"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them," - Ray Bradbury

Alright. This isn't going to be your average "Top Ten" list. Heck, there are more than ten books on this list anyway.

Upon looking over the books I had read this year, I had a lot of difficulty in finding a set order to my favorite books. I read so many books I loved for varying reasons, and it felt unfair to put numerical quantities on these works of art. Sure, I like some of these books better than others, but my love for them is too complex and nuanced to be limited to a numbered list. It didn't feel fair to pit these books against each other, because I love them all for different reasons.

So, we're going to break them up into thematic categories! These categories are in no particular order, but the books listed in them are. I have also omitted the "Enjoyment Level" and "Objective Rating" section from these reviews since I'm not measuring them against each other anyways.

Casually Homicidal Inspiration

2nd Place: Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion



I saw the movie adaptation of this book with my friend, since I had been wanting to read the book and see the movie since it came out. However, this book erased all critiques I had with the movie. I ADORE the prose and the writing style. It was visceral and beautiful, with a perfect dose of existential angst, just how I like it. An improvement from the movie was that Julie was much more developed, and I connected with her a lot more. The themes and development were stellar, and I loved R, as always.

 Like any good science fiction, it examines the state of humanity and explores the relevant 'what-ifs'. Strangely enough, I liked the ending of the movie better. While the book ending wasn't bad, I thought the movie ending had more of an emotional impact and made more sense with the arc of the story and characters in some respects. 

Thankfully, the romance in this book was perfectly balanced. It was one of my favorite romances of the year. And y'all know how much I love stories about character growth. While the movie was funnier, the book had much more heart and depth. Despite a few small nitpicks concerning Perry's role in the story, Warm Bodies had so many things going for it that I am happy to overlook some small critiques. 

1st Place: The Geography of Lost Things by Jessica Brody



I can't exactly articulate why I love this book so much. I originally picked it up because I wanted to read it for Casually Homicidal research, but I was absolutely blown away by this awesome book. 

This was one of those books that hit me at the perfect moment in my life. It's a bit personal as to why, but regardless, the themes, the writing, the pain - it all impacted me on such a deep and intimate level. I cried and laughed and screamed. This book is my hopes and fears wrapped up in paper and cardboard.  I devoured this book in less than three days. Equal parts light-hearted and angsty, I loved every second. 

I can't say enough good things about this book. Just, go read it. 

Science Fiction Faves

2nd Place: Fifty Days by Brittney Kristina



Even though Brittney Kristina is one of my best internet friends, this review is completely unbiased. To prove so, I gave her debut novel, Forsaken 2.5/5 stars. You can read my strongly-worded review here. 

However, I loved Fifty Days. The description if elegant and atmospheric. The tone is stunning and builds the suspense of the novel. There's a good, old-fashioned trashy romance, but it's not instalove, and it makes sense within the context of the novel. It's such a prose- and character-driven novel, which you guys know I'm all about. 

As the story progresses, the details build into a complex and creative mystery filled with subtle but powerful tension. The beauty of it is, when the reveal finally hits you, it made sense all along. My only complaint is that the use of italics for emphasis was overdone at times. However, Fifty Days is incredibly unique, enthralling and mysterious, with a healthy dose of angsty romance. 

1st Place: Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury



I'm a massive sucker for modern literary classics, and this was a perfect fit. Not only was it masterfully crafted, the prose hit hard and spoke to me on a spiritual level. Both parts hopefully philosophical and abysmally poignant, Fahrenheit 451 had so many levels to it that I was blown away. 

Mental Illness Books

5th Place: We Are Okay by Nina LaCour




I had heard nothing but good things about this book, even though I'm a bit late on the hype train. The cover is gorgeous though. 

Truthfully, I don't have too much to say about this book. It was great, but not the greatest. I think my only real critique was that it didn't feel long enough. It could have used much more development, and this would have made the book even more impactful if these story elements were more developed. 

Overall, the atmosphere and writing style was gorgeous. The emotional journey spoke to me, and the slice of life feeling was perfect. 

4th Place: The Chaos of Standing Still by Jessica Brody



Albeit not as objectively good in terms of technicality compared to the other books on this list, I still just felt a sheer enjoyment for this book. Just, wow, I loved it. The atmosphere, the laugh-out-loud absurdity, the moving character arcs. Classic Jessica Brody, and I am 100% on the hype train for her. I ADORED Xander. I think I might draw some fan art of him. 

I also related to Ryn's struggle with PTSD/survivor's guilt/anxiety. It hit so close to home honestly, just like with Every Last Word

My only critiques were that I thought it was a bit long-winded, with some sections of dialogue and narration that could have been condensed. Also, sometimes Ryn's internal monologue ventured into cringey, but other times, it was spot on. 

Overall, I will probably stan everything that Jessica Brody writes. 

3rd Place: Every Last Word by Tamara Ireland Stone




This is a clutch-book-to-chest-and-sigh kind of book. 

I loved this book. I almost don't know how to put it into words. The character arc was executed beautifully, and the incorporation of swimming only elevated it to the next level. I related so hard to Sam, her anxiety struggles, and the way swimming and writing were interconnected. 

My only complaint is that I wished there was more time spent with the other members of Poet's Corner. Sam spends to more time spent talking about them and telling the reader about them, instead of showing more of their personalities and their social dynamics and struggles. If this element was fleshed out, then this book would have been perfect. 

Every Last Word was a fantastic portrayal of mental illness and the power of words. It resonated with me on a transcendent level, and it may very well find a place on my all-time favorites shelf. 

2nd Place: Wings by Olivia Faye Scott



Read my full review here. 

1st Place: Turtles All The Way Down by John Green



Read my Turtles discussion article here, about plots (or, lack thereof). 

I genuinely don't understand how people didn't love Turtles. I loved basically EVERYTHING about this book. The writing was stylistic and fit the narrative perfectly - but it was also poetic and deep, just how I love it. Turtles gave me an existential crisis in the best way. I felt so terribly understood, and that's really all I can ask for from a book. The whole thing was so startlingly real. It as truly a 'slice-of-life' book, and I'm 100% here for it. 

My only real critique was that I wasn't a massive fan of Aza's relationship with Davis. I felt it happened too fast, but by the end, I was down for it, and it didn't distract from anything that was going on. 

Overall, I ADORE Turtles, and it has found a home on my favorites shelf. 

Miscellaneous Reads

4th Place: The Pigman by Paul Zindel



I read this book in one mesmerized gulp. No, literally. I finished this book in the span of about four hours. And I loved every second of it. 

This is one of those books that just fits right in with my genre - slice of life, character driven, etc. I loved the prose style - very 'Catcher In the Rye' if you ask me, and both John and Lorraine felt real, but also startlingly ordinary. This book almost felt like a movie, which I feel is what it should have been, but it really works either way. 

My only critique was that I wanted to know more about Mr. Pignati, but maybe that's the point - both John and Lorraine were so wrapped up in themselves that they missed it, that they missed him. 

Overall, the narration sucked me in, the characters and themes were amazing. A solid book really. 10/10 would read this to my kids. 

3rd Place: Franny & Zoey by J. D. Salinger



I didn't quite like this one as much as I liked The Catcher In the Rye - let's be real, nothing can top that - but, as always, I love J. D. Salinger's voice as an author. He has such a remarkable way of writing human interactions with subtlety and complexity, where the conflict lies just beneath the surface, often how it does in real life. Just, ah, my life goals is to be able to write people the way J. D. Salinger did. 

2nd Place: The Body by Stephen King



Stand By Me is one of my favorite movies, and so when I heard that it was based on the Stephen King book, I knew I had to read it. And, of course, I was so bloody impressed.

Since it was a novella, it was so close to the movie, which I appreciated. Reading the book gave me the same experience that I had while watching the movie, which I guess means it's a damn good adaptation. 

The dialogue between the boys was hilarious, heartfelt, and unflinchingly accurate. I adored the themes and the characters and the meaning behind the whole piece. Not only was it so well executed, it also resonated with me deeply. I love King's shorter works. He's truly The King. 

1st Place: Beartown by Fredrik Backman




I LOVE BEARTOWN. You know Olivia really loves a book when she types in all capital letters. 

I had always wanted to read some Fredrik Backman, but never got around to it until the lovely@biblio.virgo on Instagram personally recommended Beartown to me. 

I fell in love from page 2. This story - and more importantly, it's characters - are so profoundly human. I adored basically every single character. And even the characters I didn't love were still developed and understandable. I could see snippets of my own life and my own experiences in Beartown. The culture of Beartown, the themes, and the story absolutely ripped my heart out from my chest. 

Beartown is profoundly emotional, and you all know how much I love emotional reads. But the emotion came from the subtlety and the impact of the ordinary moments, in that the quietest moments and the smallest things had the most power, which is how I feel that it works in real life.

Backman is a phenomenal writer. The character development was lightning fast, and the writing was clean, yet creative and profound throughout the book. Beartown is cinematic, thought-provoking, and deeply, profoundly human. The prose just pulls you in, until you're right there with the characters, but also detached. Backman keeps enough distance for the reader to insert their own feelings and interpretations into the text. Beartown is a work of art, and it's so raw. Anyone can find themselves in this book.

Now lets get into my critiques, which are few and far between. With a book this amazing, the critiques are just nitpicks. There were points where things delved into telling and not showing, but I think it was appropriate for the scale of the story. I would have liked to know more about Kevin and David - I feel like they got the short end of the stick most of the time. Exploring Kevin's mental state, and how that contrasted with Maya's and the rest of the town could have been very interesting, but it wasn't that much of a glaring problem. 

Now to my more larger critique. I praise Beartown and Backman for showing all angles of the traumatic situation, and how hard of an issue rape can be on so many levels. However, there was a certain small theme that I wasn't such a fan of: toxic masculinity. Granted, that was appropriate for the story context, and while the phrase 'toxic masculinity' wasn't outright stated, the idea that most of the masculinity in Beartown was toxic. There were a few instances where I just would have liked to see more overt instances of masculinity being portrayed positively - because there were several instances of it (namely: Benji, Bobo and his dad, Peter, Amat). The average reader might not have picked up on that and be left with a message that large amounts of masculinity is toxic and femininity is always good, and that's not true. Someone can be extraordinarily masculine and not be toxic - it depends on whether the intent and whether they're a good person or not. Femininity can be toxic as well, but that's a whole different discussion. I just would have liked there to have been a more clear contrast between toxic masculinity and actual, true masculinity, because that topic is so incredibly relevant, just like the rest of Beartown

I LOVE BEARTOWN. There were moments of intensity and terror, and moments of tenderness and heart-wrenching blows. It emotionally destroyed me in all of the right ways. I can't speak highly enough of Beartown. It is such an important book, and it resonated with me on so many levels. Stunning. 


~

Thank you for sticking with this strangely unique way of structuring a Top Ten list. Here's to another year of awesome reads!

~The WordShaker

Saturday, December 8, 2018

White People Have Culture. We're Just Bad At Embracing It.



I wish I had more culture. 

It's not like I don't have culture. I'm German, Swedish, and Irish (and probably other white things). Both of my grandma's parents were immigrants. My family has a tradition of watching The Quiet Man and eating shepherd's pie and soda bread on St. Patrick's day. 

I won't lie, at times I get envious of the community aspect of culture, and the heartwarming traditions that they bring. I feel like I've missed out on that by being a white American. 

I could have culture if I wanted to. But I think there are some systematic problems behind as to why most white Americans aren't super cultured. 

The first is that - concerning looks - it was a lot easier for European immigrants to assimilate. If they were able to knock their accent, they could 'pass' as a native American for the most part. 

Another is that many European Americans were more willing to . . . intermingle with each other. First-gen children often married another first or second-gen immigrant, and the two families cultures had to merge, and it got diluted in the process, until, in many cases, it was lost altogether. 

While there are most likely more reasons, but I'm not knowledgeable enough to go into all of them. (I won't even get to touch the topic of quantifying white American culture.) The bottom line is this: white people do have culture. We have just forgotten it. 

The reason I got to thinking about this is because in art history, we covered the Vikings (Scandinavia) and the Hiberno- and Anglo-Saxons (The British Isles), and I thought to myself, Hey! Those are my people! That's where I'm from! And I was in awe of the art because I felt such an emotional connection to it. Not just because it was beautiful, but because there is a part of that inside me. But I also felt ashamed that I hadn't educated myself on my own heritage. 

I wish my German, Irish, and Swedish culture was more a part of my life, and more a part of my family's life. I wish I could go to these countries and meet some of my distant cousins. I wish I had the rich, multicultural experience that so many other Americans - particularly not-white Americans - have. I wish I was more educated about my heritage. I wish I felt more connected to my German, Irish, and Swedish cultural identity just as much as I feel connected to my American cultural identity.

Instead of appropriating other's culture, let's start looking back to our own. 

~The Wordshaker

Saturday, December 1, 2018

I'm going to be featured in a Christmas Anthology! | Olivia J

"Sometimes reality is too complex. Stories give it form,"
 -Jean Luc Godard

Instagram is by far my favorite platform. I've met some amazing writer friends on there who I can lean on in times of (writerly) trouble. 

I have always wanted to write a Christmassy story, so I put something out on my story about it, as well as messaged my wonderful group of writer friends. Miraculously, everyone felt the same! Other people had been toying around with ideas - and so the Young Author Christmas Anthology was born!

Unfortunately, it is still without a title . . .

follow me on Instagram @olivia.j.the.wordshaker


The anthology will contain everything from poems, to mystery flash fiction, to heartfelt contemporary reads, to fantasy short stories. I made a rule that above all else, this story has to be true to the author and reflect their personal tastes and style. It's a grab bag for everyone! If you find yourself loving a certain story or writing style, the author bios will contain information on how to read more of the writer's work.

While each story is vastly different, there is a thread that connects all of them. Each story has Easter eggs or references that tie the stories together. I'm excited to hear about your fan theories when it comes out!

All profits will be donated to an Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome charity, since one of our authors, Kalan Olivia, has been diagnosed with this condition. We all wanted to use this as an opportunity to not only spread our writing and creativity, but to also do something good in this season of giving. 

Here's a list of all our wonderful authors:

Olivia J. Bennett - me!
Mary Conway - @conwaywrites
S. M. Creanza - @s.m.creanza.writes
Emma Dennin - @emmadenninwrites
Kalan Olivia - @kalanoliviaauthor
McCaid Paul - @mccaidpaul
Olivia Faye Scott - @oliviafayebooks
Alyssa Tyson - @alyssa.tyson
Maddyson Wilson - @maddywritesbooks

Our plan is for both the ebook and the print copies to be available by mid-December! Stay posted with updates on my Instagram @olivia.j.the.wordshaker

~The WordShaker

Saturday, November 17, 2018

What "Casually Homicidal" Means to Me | Olivia J

"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of their life, every quality of their mind, is written large in their work," - Virginia Woolf

Sometimes, my writing is a bit too personal. 

Exhibit A: A Cactus In the Valley

(Let's be real, no further exhibits needed.)

Casually Homicidal is no exception. Even though the pitch is quite outlandish - a road trip with a wannabe serial killer - the themes and the character arcs speak to me. They are me.


Just like with A Cactus In the Valley, I seem to have divided myself - more aptly, my inner struggles - and incorporated them into my current writing project. 

I've always wanted to write a road trip, but I never really knew why, other than the fact that road trips are fun. However, Arden and Hendrix want and need to get away. They need to break away from their hometown in order to grow. But in doing so, they realize they miss it more than they thought they would. Which, for lack of a more eloquent phrase, is a Big Mood. 

They're both 18 - on the cusp of having to decide what they want to do with their lives. Arden wants to hit pause, and Hendrix is relatively aimless, except for that one thing, of course. Being 18 myself, that whole concept is #relatable. I wish I could stop time like Arden, and, even though I know what I want, I don't know how to get there. Like Hendrix, I have a one-track mind.

As like many young adult novels, it's a lot about finding yourself. Except identities change and grow. Sometimes, we think we know who we are, and then something comes along and that all falls apart. It's about taking control of our identity, and not letting the past define who we are. I've been having this crisis lately, where I think I know who I am, but then something comes along and makes me rethink all of that. That you don't just find who you are and then it's all over, then you've hit your zenith and you can move on. Life is a constant journey of self-discovery.  

While I believe that humans often try to do good, we are also extraordinarily selfish. I also believe that we are all capable of doing awful things under the right conditions. Psychology says so. I wanted to explore how mental illness and environmental factors lead to violence. What if Jeffrey Dahmer had dealt with his repressed sexual desires in a healthy way? What if Aileen Wuornos hadn't been abused and neglected?  Would they still have done the things they did?

Don't fear - I'm not going to do any of those things, and I'm not really drawing from my own experiences here. But I wanted to explore how we all have that darkness inside of us, and what it would take to draw it out. 

But really, Casually Homicidal is my heart and soul. It's a fictionalization of who I am right now, and the struggles that have plagued the past year or so of my life. It is one of a shifting identity, of deciding what kind of person I'm going to be. It is one of nostalgia and childhood. It is one of pain, and how we learn to live after it. It is one of the future, of how bright it is that we almost don't want to look at it, for fear it's not all that it's cracked up to be. 

Casually Homicidal is my heart and soul. The inspiration has come from the people in my life, big and small. The inspiration has come from my love of Americana and all things vintage. It has come from me. I'm giving you another piece of my soul, dear readers. 

I hope you love it. 

~The WordShaker

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Abandon Word Counts: Unpopular Opinion about NaNoWriMo


"There are three rules to writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are," - W. Somerset Maugham

Happy National Novel Writing Month, fellow writers! We've got a couple of days under our belt, maybe you're doing great, maybe you hate yourself a little bit. Regardless, I'm here to drop some truth on why word counts are toxic for me and why it's worth considering to move away from word counts. 

November 2014 was my first NaNo experience - I was still working on A Cactus In the Valley in my freshman year of high school. I went at it for about a week, and then petered out. 

Every day, I felt like a failure for not meeting my word count goal, despite having written some good content during that first week of NaNo. And then my quality started to decline. I thought - why do this if I'm just going to emotionally drain myself and write garbage? Keeping track of my word counts makes me feel like a failure, no matter what the actual quality of what I wrote was. 

Ever since then, I've been super strict about not keeping abreast to what my word count of a particular project was. For me, it puts a quantifier on something that can't really be quantified. 

NaNoWriMo also judges success on word count, instead of quality. And maybe that's the point for newer writers who need to just let loose. 

However, I judge my writing - and my writing sessions - not on length or word count, but by quality and how far I progressed. Did I finish a chapter? Did I finish a couple of scenes? Then I surely had a successful writing night, no matter how many words I wrote. 

However, sometimes, I'll still feel the nag to constantly check my word count or judge how short something is in comparison to something else. And honestly, I feel like the writing community is partially to blame for this mentality, and the almost religious adherence to word counts. 

But are you ready for this: word count doesn't matter. At least not when it comes to the quality of your story/your writing. Sure, word count matters when you're submitting something or when you're cutting or fleshing out to adhere to genre conventions for novel length. However, when writing - just write. Don't try and slap a number on your success or failure. 

Now, don't get me wrong and say that I'm trying to convert you who swear by word counts. If you have found success through NaNoWriMo, then more power to you. 

What I am trying to do is help you see it in a new light, from another perspective, from someone who has failed at NaNoWriMo every single year, but still manages to write award-winning stories - both long and short. Find your own creative process that works for you. Don't feel like you have to measure your success on arbitrary word counts.

Success in writing comes not from quantity - not even from quality sometimes - but in a story that is creatively satisfying to you. One that changes you. Don't let believing that you have to write X-amount of words in order to achieve success stop you from actually persevering and writing that story. 

So, hence, screw word counts. I don't use them. They stress me out. I only use them when I'm completely done with a story. 

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. 

~The WordShaker

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Spoiler-Free Book Review: I Know You Like A Murder by Amy L. Sauder

"You don't start writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That's why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence." - Octavia Butler

With it being Spooktober and all, I thought this would be an appropriate review. 

But, more importantly, this is my friend, Amy L. Sauder's novella! Spoiler, I LOVED beta-reading this novel. And guys, it's only like 60 pages, and they go by in a heartbeat!



Disclaimer: I was sent this book in exchange for an honest review.

Unlike many of my other reviews, this will be SPOILER-FREE. Nobody likes a spoiled mystery, and since this is a new release, I want you to get the chance to read it for yourself first. 

The Bad

1. Pacing

While I do think that IKYLAM should be a short novella, the pace isn't conducive to the slow burn murder mystery that it is. It goes both ways: it works short, but I feel like it could be longer. 

IKYLAM is one of those books that you should just sit down and read in one sitting. And while this is a plus considering the story, plot, and characters, it does have some downsides for being so short. 

The most notable being that it doesn't really get to ruminate and stew around inside you. A good mystery strings you along, giving you just enough to keep you turning that next page but not too much that you start to feel bored. Sauder does this well. However, this could have been even more impactful if the story was a bit longer, so the mystery and suspense really could have simmered and built up, leading to a smashing conclusion. 

The Good

1. Tone/Style

This is really what IKYLAM has going for it. I can't say enough good about the writing style and the tone that it exudes. It's absolutely perfect. It's surreal and suspenseful and pulls you into its tongue-in-cheek atmosphere.

The awesome thing is that it feels coldly detached, yet so laser-focused. The use of language is refined and specific, and it echoes nineteenth-century classic mysteries with modern accessibility. 

I can't even accurately describe how awesome the writing style and tone is in IKYLAM. You just have to experience it for yourself. 

2. The Characters

While IKYLAM isn't a character study, the characters are at the forefront. Each one of them is complex in their own way, but they feel mundane and accessible. That's the draw of IKYLAM - mysteries can feel daunting and pretentious, but IKYLAM is lightning-fast and down-to-earth. 

The narrator is humorous and cunning. Equal parts insecure and maniacal, Camille is . . . stunning and so incredibly interesting. Shy Boy is guarded and unstable. Divas and egos run rampant, and you can't help but enjoy every juicy second.

Each character has their masks - pun intended - but we get to see glimpses of their inner layers and their complexity. This style of character development is perfect not only for the tone but also for the length of the novel. I'd love to see more of some of the characters, but I think that's the beauty of it. IKYLAM feels like a flashbulb of an old-timey camera, revealing the true nature and how deep the motives go. 

Objective Rating: 9/10
Enjoyment Level: 10/10


~

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed my time reading this. I was swept up in the style and encapsulated by the foreshadowing and suspense. 

So, in the words of my author blurb on the inside cover:

"This is SUCH a quirky meta-mystery and I am 100% on board."

I recommend this for everyone tired of the mystery/crime thriller genre, fans of The Phantom of the Opera, and anyone who loves a good 

I'm so happy for you, Amy! Go buy I Know You Like A Murder on Amazon here!

~The WordShaker

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Why I haven't been blogging as much... (plus a Casually Homicidal snippet) | Olivia J

"Step into a scene and let it drip from your fingers,"
-MJ Bush


I love this blog. Even if very few people read it, I would still probably write for it. I love the content I produce, I love sharing stuff with you, and I love analyzing literature. This blog is a portfolio of me.

And I hate that I haven’t been able to write on it as consistently as I did during high school. I usually only missed one or two blog posts a year.

And then college happened.

I’ve resorted to being able to write one blog post every two weeks, and that’s iffy. I just don’t want to put out subpar content when I truly don’t have the time - or mental energy - to produce quality content.

It sucks, but that's my life right now. And my content on this blog should reflect my life. Don't worry, I'm working on getting blogging back into my weekly schedule. Literary analysis will be few and far between, but then you might be getting more lifestyle posts.

However, there is another reason why I haven't been blogging as much, and it's a much better excuse than busyness.

Casually Homicidal, the current YA Thriller/Contemporary novel I'm writing, is almost done. Yes, you heard that right. I'm almost done. I've only got five chapters left, and then draft one is done.

But really, it's beautiful. I have fallen irrevocably in love with this story and these characters. I was afraid it was never going to happen again, but here we are. Casually Homicidal has taken over my life, and I'm 100% here for it.

Now, there hasn't really been an official synopsis for Casually Homicidal since I'm still perfecting it, and the only info you guys have gotten is over on Instagram (@olivia.j.the.wordshaker) in the form of collages and snippets.

However, there is a little bit more I can share with you, in the form of a short piece about the themes of Casually Homicidal. And some photos of course.

***


So . . . what is Casually Homicidal even about?

Casually Homicidal is about change, and the insane things we do to stop time.

It’s about being so rejected that all you can manage to do is reject other people.

pic creds to Pinterest
It’s about the secrets we keep and what they drive us to do.


It’s about being so incredibly empty that we don’t even realize we’re filling a void.


It’s about small towns and nostalgia and the wilderness of young adulthood.


pic creds to Pinterest
It’s about pain and the people, memories, and experiences that change us.


It’s about accepting the past and facing the future.


It’s about deciding who you really want to be.


pic creds to Pinterest
Casually Homicidal is about two eighteen-year-olds trying to find out where they fit in a world that wants nothing to do with either of them.


Cue the existential crises, road trips, and bloody murder.


***


And a snippet, just because I'm so generous.


***
“Was I right about you, Hendrix?”

“What?”

“Was I right, that you want to leave too? That you feel this terrible, awful stringing feeling inside, like your stomach is made of a ball of yarn and someone’s just pulling and pulling and pulling at it? Except you’re not sure where they’re pulling it, so the spool just grows smaller and smaller, until one day it’s just going to pop out of you Do you feel that way, too?”

Hendrix pauses. His eyes glaze and go far away - he’s thinking. “Yes.”

His voice strikes me, sharp and metallic. He’s lying, I can feel it right in the core of me. People lie to me all the time. I’ve gotten good at discerning it. “You don’t.”

Hendrix swallows audibly. “Yeah, I do.” It comes out more like a question.

My forehead tenses up. I ought to take him at face value - I really should. I sit up and start to walk over towards him, to see if he’s genuine. If he really means anything he’s saying.

But he turns on his heel and walks away from me, towards his side of the bed.

“We should sleep, Arden. It’s almost 2am.”

My chest splinters as I wander back into bed, swallowed by the soft darkness. I’m sleeping in the same bed as Hendrix, but he feels so far away. And the divide is lined with sinkholes and jagged rocks and fearsome creatures on both sides.

It’s not like he felt any closer when we worked together at that Godforsaken frozen yogurt shop. But us being in this together, it feels like we should be.

Granted, the world should be a lot of things.

But we both know it’s not.
***
Love you all. Thanks for supporting what I love.


~The WordShaker