What "Casually Homicidal" Means to Me | Olivia J

"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of their life, every quality of their mind, is written large in their work," - Virginia Woolf

Sometimes, my writing is a bit too personal. 

Exhibit A: A Cactus In the Valley

(Let's be real, no further exhibits needed.)

Casually Homicidal is no exception. Even though the pitch is quite outlandish - a road trip with a wannabe serial killer - the themes and the character arcs speak to me. They are me.

Just like with A Cactus In the Valley, I seem to have divided myself - more aptly, my inner struggles - and incorporated them into my current writing project. 

I've always wanted to write a road trip, but I never really knew why, other than the fact that road trips are fun. However, Arden and Hendrix want and need to get away. They need to break away from their hometown in order to grow. But in doing so, they realize they miss it more than they thought they would. Which, for lack of a more eloquent phrase, is a Big Mood. 

They're both 18 - on the cusp of having to decide what they want to do with their lives. Arden wants to hit pause, and Hendrix is relatively aimless, except for that one thing, of course. Being 18 myself, that whole concept is #relatable. I wish I could stop time like Arden, and, even though I know what I want, I don't know how to get there. Like Hendrix, I have a one-track mind.

As like many young adult novels, it's a lot about finding yourself. Except identities change and grow. Sometimes, we think we know who we are, and then something comes along and that all falls apart. It's about taking control of our identity, and not letting the past define who we are. I've been having this crisis lately, where I think I know who I am, but then something comes along and makes me rethink all of that. That you don't just find who you are and then it's all over, then you've hit your zenith and you can move on. Life is a constant journey of self-discovery.  

While I believe that humans often try to do good, we are also extraordinarily selfish. I also believe that we are all capable of doing awful things under the right conditions. Psychology says so. I wanted to explore how mental illness and environmental factors lead to violence. What if Jeffrey Dahmer had dealt with his repressed sexual desires in a healthy way? What if Aileen Wuornos hadn't been abused and neglected?  Would they still have done the things they did?

Don't fear - I'm not going to do any of those things, and I'm not really drawing from my own experiences here. But I wanted to explore how we all have that darkness inside of us, and what it would take to draw it out. 

But really, Casually Homicidal is my heart and soul. It's a fictionalization of who I am right now, and the struggles that have plagued the past year or so of my life. It is one of a shifting identity, of deciding what kind of person I'm going to be. It is one of nostalgia and childhood. It is one of pain, and how we learn to live after it. It is one of the future, of how bright it is that we almost don't want to look at it, for fear it's not all that it's cracked up to be. 

Casually Homicidal is my heart and soul. The inspiration has come from the people in my life, big and small. The inspiration has come from my love of Americana and all things vintage. It has come from me. I'm giving you another piece of my soul, dear readers. 

I hope you love it. 

~The WordShaker