"We write to taste life twice," -Anais Nin
Last night, I went to go see PCHS's production of Beauty and the Beast and my dearest friend, Lauren, was cast as Belle. Belle was always her favorite princess. They share so much in common, from being a daydreaming bookworm to an odd pariah. Her dreams came true when she was cast in this part.
However, I was viciously jealous. Why was Lauren getting all the accolades in drama? What did I do wrong? Was I that bad? Awful, selfish thoughts ran through my head. I was jealous because she got the lead, while I didn't even get cast in the spring play (I got to be the student director though). But still, this wasn't enough for me because I so desperately wanted to act.
I tried my best to be happy for her, and truthfully, the good part of me was. I was overjoyed that she got what she wanted and was able to pursue her dreams, because I love her. But still, I felt less than, just a spectator watching a prima donna blossom.
On the way to the show, I was talking about this with my mom. I was sharing my frustrations, and while she told me that I was getting accolades in other areas such as art and writing, nothing could make me feel better. Because I couldn't be the princess.
However, she then said something that resonated deeply with me:
"You see, you're not a 'Disney princess', you're a 'Katniss'."
At first, I was like BUT I WANNA BE A PRINCESS, MOM! However, not a second later, I realized what she meant, and that it perfectly described me, that I related to it in ways that I could never relate to any Disney Princess.
I am not a pretty little girl - I am a warrior.
I don't wear dresses - I wear combat boots.
I am not supple and passive - I am resilient.
I am not pure - I am perfectly flawed.
I am not innocent - I am wise.
I am not a damsel in distress - I am strong, despite my gender.
I am nothing that a Disney princess is - I am everything that a brave, outspoken, viscerally real, and complex 'Katniss' character is.
And I'm finally realizing that, despite my childhood dreams and jealousy, I'm not a princess. I could never be a princess.
I am so much more.
andinnowayisthisabashonprincesses, okistillloveyoulauren
~The WordShaker
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