On College | Olivia J

"Nothing is so healing as the realization that he has come upon the right word," -Catherine Drinker Bowen

So. My first (full) semester of college starts in a little over a week. I would say that I'm scared, but I'm not. It's just community college.

I'm much more apprehensive about going to SCAD because it's just become so real. And along with that realization, the idea that that 'living in a cramped apartment eating Ramen noodles 24/7' has become even more real. College, am I right? *cries in student debt*

I really am looking forward to community college. For the first time in six years, I'm going to school again with my best friend. One of my college professors is also a self-published author. 

SCAD is less of a dream, and more of a reality. But the problem is that reality still seems so unattainable. My world is now just a ticking time bomb, both here in my home state and as a student, safely cushioned in the world of classrooms. 

For the first time, I'm reconsidering my life. Is this really what I want to do? Is all of this really worth it?

Fortunately, these answers have all been 'yes', but is 'yes' enough? Is drive enough to push me through the intense curriculum? Is passion enough to pay tens of thousands of dollars? Is writing worth this one life I have? Will I regret not getting a more 'sensible' degree?

To these other questions though, all I have to rely on is faith. The faith that God has taken me this far, and that he'll continue to take me even further. Believing until I see it, and believing even when I don't see it for a long, long time. 

I'm not sure this post has a point, other than to update you all on where I am. Also to remind you that faith can carry you through the most insane and unbelievable of circumstances. He is forever faithful. 

~The WordShaker

The Last Half of High School | Olivia J

"It's not what you write, it's the way you write it," -Jack Kerouac

*Note: I censor because I want to keep the little children safe. Reminder, these are my feelings, messy and dirty as they are, and I'm not going to entirely censor my blog because it's my blog. 

Now that summer school is over, actual school is right around the bend. (Hell, that sounds awful.) And I don't know that I've ever been more scared to go back to school in my life. 

Back in May, I made the decision to be partially homeschooled for the last two years of my high school career. This meant that I would take some classes at the high school but take some at home, even some at the community college. 

This f***ing scares me. 

I really don't like to use this word on my blog, since a lot of people I know read my blog, but truthfully, there's no other four words I could string together to portray how f***ing scared I am of the 2016-2017 school year. 

Not only is it most generally the toughest (hello, ACT), but it's so different. Usually, I'm scared of going back to school because I dread it. Because literally nothing stresses me out more than going to school, and all that that entails. 

However, this year, it's all so different. I'm taking a college class in my junior year of high school. Holy s**t. I'm going to be so young and so new and so different and maybe even so dumb because, even though I tested into it, they're all high school graduates. 

I'm worried that it's going to alienate me. I'm worried that, even though I'm taking three high school classes, it will still make me even more different than everyone else. I'm worried that I'll drift from my amazing (yet few) friends. I'm afraid people are going to criticize me for my choice, even if that choice is best for me. 

I'm so afraid. I'm not afraid because it's bad, but I'm afraid because it's different. 

And I don't like different. 

Love, your extremely conflicted high school student,

~The WordShaker