The Vine Across the Wire | Olivia J

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened," - Dr. Seuss 

On my way to campus, there is a vine that has crawled up a powerline to drapes across the road along a wire. As the month has passed, I have watched the vine grow lush and green, strong and alive against the late summer heat. And I have watched it die in a brilliant display of color, wilting into leaves that rustle in the autumn wind. 

That vine has been a sort of constant in my life. I watch as it changes whenever I drive past. It makes me smile. And it reminds me that what goes up, must come down. That what grows must eventually die. 

The impermanence of all natural and human things, I think, is actually quite humbling and beautiful. It reminds us that if we don't give life meaning, then no one will give it to us. We are the ones who give life meaning, and you only have one shot to make the most out of every day, every week, every month. 

Everything changes. Welcome to life. If nothing's changing in your life, are you really living it? That vine wasn't destined to stay across that wire forever.

An abundance of things have been changing in my life. And if you know me, then you know that change and I don't get along. 

But with all bad changes, some good ones always open up. With the loss of a friend, I have gained more. Where theater used to fill my hours, I've been working at a job I love.  

Things are nostalgic these days. Casually Homicidal - my WIP - is coming along slowly but surely. I'm seeing old friends, finding out who's going to stick around. I'm learning to be independent, to be not just my own whole person but my own whole person who can also do her laundry and grocery shop. 

I'm moving forward by looking back. By seeing where I always catch coffee with him. By seeing the glow of Friday night lights on the horizon that will always remind me of the two of you. By laughing at the time my friend and I sought out the stray cats in the back of our local DQ because we're just that passionate about cats. All of the places that remind me of my firsts. All of the cornfields that remind me of my grandfather. All of the trees that remind me of adventure. 

So I think I can add the vine across the wire to my list that makes this old soul nostalgic. 

But I guess being nostalgic means that I've loved something so much for it to still follow me like a friendly shadow. 

~The WordShaker

The Last Half of High School | Olivia J

"It's not what you write, it's the way you write it," -Jack Kerouac

*Note: I censor because I want to keep the little children safe. Reminder, these are my feelings, messy and dirty as they are, and I'm not going to entirely censor my blog because it's my blog. 

Now that summer school is over, actual school is right around the bend. (Hell, that sounds awful.) And I don't know that I've ever been more scared to go back to school in my life. 

Back in May, I made the decision to be partially homeschooled for the last two years of my high school career. This meant that I would take some classes at the high school but take some at home, even some at the community college. 

This f***ing scares me. 

I really don't like to use this word on my blog, since a lot of people I know read my blog, but truthfully, there's no other four words I could string together to portray how f***ing scared I am of the 2016-2017 school year. 

Not only is it most generally the toughest (hello, ACT), but it's so different. Usually, I'm scared of going back to school because I dread it. Because literally nothing stresses me out more than going to school, and all that that entails. 

However, this year, it's all so different. I'm taking a college class in my junior year of high school. Holy s**t. I'm going to be so young and so new and so different and maybe even so dumb because, even though I tested into it, they're all high school graduates. 

I'm worried that it's going to alienate me. I'm worried that, even though I'm taking three high school classes, it will still make me even more different than everyone else. I'm worried that I'll drift from my amazing (yet few) friends. I'm afraid people are going to criticize me for my choice, even if that choice is best for me. 

I'm so afraid. I'm not afraid because it's bad, but I'm afraid because it's different. 

And I don't like different. 

Love, your extremely conflicted high school student,

~The WordShaker