This Is Where It Ends by Marieke Nijkamp BOOK REVIEW: Olivia J, The WordShaker

"No one else will write it for you," -Unknown

Like with many books, it's a mixed bag. But that doesn't mean it's not worth it.

I read This is Where it Ends by Marieke Nijkamp for mostly research purposes. If you're not aware, I've got a school shooting story boiling on the backburner, and I wanted to read this so I could get an understanding of what other school shooting fiction is like.

~

Bad first, then the good.

1. Tyler (and Autumn) Browne 

The bad or negative things I have to say about this book are more nitpicky than anything else. Tyler, the shooter, I felt, was one of the problems. He grew into more of his character as the story progressed. However, his character and who he actually was was unclear in the slightly slow beginning. I wanted to see the kinder, more damaged side of Ty. Fortunately, he becomes more sympathetic through the eyes of Autumn.

A lot of my problems with this book focus on Tyler Browne and on his sister, Autumn, who serves as a narrator in the book. A problem I found with them is that while Tyler is a cold-blooded killer, Autumn is this shy, sweet butterfly. However, their father abuses them, and their mother died tragically, and they are ostracized from the rest of Opportunity, Alabama. However, Tyler kills 39 people, and Autumn is quietly discontent with her dancing and girlfriend. One could argue that this is because they are inherently different: Autumn is inherently good and Tyler is inherently bad. However, we are shown that Tyler has the capacity to be good and, many times, the author shows us that Tyler was good, he was just beaten down by the world.

Then, the latter supports the statement: then why isn't Autumn just as screwed up? She possesses almost no negative character traits that would be indicative of her awful backstory. Autumn is passionate and brave and kind almost to a fault, and while this makes her an admirable protagonist, it does not at all fit with the trauma she's been through.

While I will praise this book for being a disturbingly real and gripping psychological thriller, it seemed so out of place for Ty to be monologuing like a supervillian in the Batman cartoons. I get his anger and his hardness towards what's going on, but I feel like he should have been more emotional and brooding. At times, he seemed idealistic, and this kind of took me out of the story since the rest of it was so viscerally real.

2. Passive Characters

On to Autumn. And partially Sylvia. While I didn't hate their characters, I felt that they weren't active enough. Claire as well. While all of this hell is happening, they personally don't do much. At times, I just wanted Sylvia to break out and run to her brother and protect him. At times I wanted Autumn to stand up to her brother, and it's beautiful when she does. I desired for Claire to rush in and be with Matt. But many times the characters, while good and developed, were stagnant. While I understand why, this doesn't deny the simple fact that we WANT to see our beloved characters fight back against the villain.  Tomas comes the closest to being the most active character in the story next to Tyler, next to Claire, and next to Autumn, and then last would be Sylvia.

3. Tension/Pacing Changes

After Tomas opened the doors, and people started getting out, I just felt the tension drop like a brick, and the focus was turned off of Tyler, whose level of terrifying kind of just went down after that. The pacing after the auditorium doors opened, which was near the middle, just slowed way down. Whereas in the middle, the tension was consistent.

~

However, like many things, there's both sides to the cons of this book.

1. Thoughtful Storytelling and a Smart Author

You could tell that the author was writing smart. Now, this might be a new concept to some, but usually a reader can tell when the author is a plotter or a pantser, or if they had any idea where the story was going when they started. An example of a writer who wasn't very smart was Rick Yancey. You could tell that he didn't know where the story was going in Book 1, The Fifth Wave, and the voice and themes developed as the series went along. However, THIS IS WHERE IT ENDS had smart writing and storytelling. This gives a comforting feeling to the reader, because the author was definitely in control when the story and characters themselves were not.

2. Characters

Nijkamp does an amazing job of developing characters in a short amount of time, and even with characters we get barely any page-time with, for example, Matt and Jonah and Jennifer.

Some standout characters were Matt and Claire. I found Claire to be passionate and active, in contrast with Autumn and Sylvia. Tomas was probably one of my favorite characters; he had a great and lovable personality, and his conversation right before his death is beautiful and stunning and truly shows his character.   I loved Autumn's bravery and kindess; like I said before, it was all very admirable, but I still had my problems with her. I must admit that I was crushed when she got shot in the knee.

3. Great Usage of Flashbacks

The backstories and flashbacks - which is a favorite storytelling element of mine - were perfectly placed to not break up the flow and tension and to develop characters. The flashbacks just enriched the story so much more because the entirety of the story takes place over fifty five minutes. The flashbacks were amazing and intense and dark and twisty and added so much to the story.

4. The Intense Realness

What I must give to this book is how viscerally real it felt. I could totally imagine this nearly exact same thing happening at my high school. The reactions and the passage of time and all of the characters were all so relatable and real.  Sometimes it was so intense I had to put the book down, and I even had physical reactions to this book, like the boiling in my gut. It was terrifying and heartbreaking all at the same time.

I loved seeing Ty develop. As we were given more and more insight into his character, you just kind of loved to be afraid of him and hated to feel bad for him. This was masterfully done and wasn't as strong at the beginning but accumulated in the end to a stunning suicide. Amazing messages about school and social interactions and even mental health were weaved in and out through Ty's story.

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Overall, this book wasn't flawless or outstanding or anything, but it had it's good notes and I'm glad I read it for research and context purposes. It was terrifying and real without being too gory.

7/10 would recommend

~The WordShaker

Mount Rushmore | Adam Young Score Review

"Good writing works from a simple premise: your experience is not yours alone, but in some sense a metaphor for everyone's," - Dorianne Laux

Since this month's score is short and sweet, I'll keep my review in the same fashion. 

This month's score contains the construction of Mount Rushmore in the form of a firecracker - impactful and beautiful. 

Listen to this month's score here.

artwork by james r. eads

1. Gutzon Borglum

Epic and orchestral to a T, this track portrays the creative and enduring mastermind behind this task with gusto. 

2. The Black Hills

Laced with danger, this track builds spectacularly with a blend of orchestral and electronic sounds, including a whistle, coming to a conclusion in awe of the mountains. 

3. Construction

Layered with beautiful strings, this piece builds up the grandeur and spectacle of hard work with unique percussion, simulating construction sounds. 

4. Four Faces

Solemn and magical, this piece brings in the tender piano and synths for a sweeping track of our great leaders taking shape. 

5. Dynamite

Rolling with timpani drums and a vast orchestra, this track portrays the fast paced anxiety and the massive rock tumbling down. 

6. Half a Million Tons of Granite

Ethereal with a deep piano line, this track builds the mystery and impending awe of the project.  

7. Shrine of Democracy

Soaring and accelerating with beautiful grace, this track perfectly shows the majesty of this iconic mountain with sweeping orchestral rifts. 

~

Here's how it compares with the Adam Young Scores Discography:

1. Omaha Beach, June - 20/10
2. RMS Titanic, March - 15/10
3. Apollo 11, February - 11/10
4. Corduroy Road, September - 10/10
5. Miracle in the Andes, July - 9.5/10
6. The Spirit of St. Louis, April - 9/10
7. Mount Rushmore, November - 8.5/10
8. Voyager 1, October - 8/10
9. The Ascent of Everest, May - 7/10
10. Project Excelsior, August - 6.5/10

While this score isn't mind-blowingly ground breaking, it still is another solid addition to Adam Young's ever enjoyable stream of writing fodder music. 

~The WordShaker

PG-13 Material in Christian Art

"We write down made up stories to tell the truths we wish we could say out loud," - Linda Schreyer

We've all read The Hunger Games, we've all seen The Breakfast Club. We all know that violence, sex, language and other adult material is rampant in secular media, and, for the most part, we've come to accept it.

But what about adult material in Christian art? Everyone's heard about the ridiculously idealistic Christian movies with terrible scores, everyone has seen the Amish-clad and excessively boring Christian fiction section. For the most part, Christian art is squeaky clean, because, in order for it to succeed, people believe it needs to appeal to that homeschooling mom who gasps in horror at four letter words and won't let her kids watch anything secular. 

There's plenty of Christian media that caters to those kinds of people. 

But what about the rest of us?  Do we have to suffer through cheesy movies, only watching them because they're Christian?  Do we have to read idealistic fiction because it's the only 'pure' thing out there?

Absolutely not. 

But first, the term "Christian art" needs to be defined. In simplest terms, it can be art created by a person who is a Christian, but this can branch off into many different subcategories. 

1. Art that has no Christian themes or motives, but is just creative expression for the sake of sending another message or just art because art is awesome. 

2. Art created specifically for Christians to consume. This art is the most prevalent, and is the squeaky-cleanest. This is meant to uplift and enforce the reader's already Christian beliefs. 

3. Art created to speak to people - to teach them, to comfort them, to uplift them. Whether those people be other Christians - who, remember, are just as broken as the rest of us - or secular people who need to see a message of love in a visual, auditory, or written way. The third definition is usually the most racy. 

Examples of the third definition:

King's Kaleidoscope: A Prayer

Hot by Laura L. Smith 

And this third definition is what I've always found most appealing, especially as I've matured. 

As I grew older, the squeaky clean, cookie cutter and idealistic 'Christian art' wasn't doing it for me anymore. For a while, I searched for Christian books, bands, movies, but came up mostly empty handed. I couldn't find the substance and relatability along with good execution, so I turned to secular art, and, on some level, was able to find all of the above things. 

But still, I was missing something. And the lacking I found in both Christian art and secular art (especially books in my case), inspired me to write two novels which reflected what I knew that Christian art was lacking:

Violence, Sex, Language, Drugs, and Adult Themes

Not that these things are good, but that they are real. The hard things in life are what has made God send his Son to die for our sins, for us. And erasing these things from Christian media only perpetuates the myth that Christians are perfect, or, that once you become a Christian, you will be perfect. 

Including the hard things, the bad things, the dirty things, in your art adds the reality, the relatability, and makes the story of redemption and the saving grace of God even more impactful. 

So hey, by all means, throw some blood at your readers, swear a little, let it all hang out. 

But make sure it's got a good reason. 

~The WordShaker

You.

"The books we read answer questions we didn't even know existed," -Axel Marazzi

You. You have changed my life. Or, at least, certain parts of it.

No, not the 'you' who made me flirt, wear makeup, go out on a limb and go to almost every football game ever. Not the 'you' who has taken me out on some amazing dates.

No, the you. The plural. The amazing girls who make a night, an event, out of everything we do. The you who I can just have a damn great time with. The you who drives over curbs, the you who nicknames your friend's boyfriend 'pole dancer'. The you who goes out to McDonald's at 11pm at night just for the hell of it. The you who's more than ready to go on an adventure of a lifetime that might only last a few hours. The you who can make me laugh and laugh and laugh until my sides hurt. The you who can get down and dirty, sad and serious with me.

No, the awkward, blond headed #56 was only the catalyst in this perfect trio, this life-changing aspect of me. Thank you, both of you, for making my world a little bit brighter.

You are the awesome to my awful. The terrific to my terrible. And I hope I can be the same for you.

~

Short little post today about some newfound friends. I hope you enjoy!

~The WordShaker

My Anxiety | A Short Story

"To survive, you must tell stories," -Umberto Eco

The pounding of my heart jolts me out of sleep. Breathing in and out, the sheets stick to my clammy body, my pajamas cooking me in the heat of the summer night.

The popcorn ceiling looks black and white. Sleep still tugs at my vision, at my consciousness.

Silence. The air conditioner hums deep within the house. The faint whine of crickets in the bushes outside my window.

Something rustles in the corner. Left. Clawing at the sheets, billowing them in and out to get the stale air circulating, I sit up.

Nothing.

I lay back down, my entire body heaving and pulsing. A flutter burns in my gut.

A crash bursts out of the same corner, like a shelf fell right off of it's post. Jolted with panic, I sit up, gnarling the sheets around my legs.

Nothing. Just black shadows, stagnant, diffused, created only by the light of the moon from behind my curtains.

I lay back down.

I close my eyes, try to sleep. Air conditioning, crickets, everything natural, everything normal.

The flutter burns, grows until it scales up and down my back. Arching, I itch my spine. There's nothing there, I tell myself, my back is pressed up against the mattress, there's nothing there.

I roll over, facing away from the site of the crash. Rustling, unnatural movements come from the endless labyrinths of shadows.

It's a rat. It's a spider. It's a rabid dog.

In a solid moment of panic, I sit up again, only to find the bitter relief of nothing.

Nothing.

Crawling, hissing, jittering around like a solid ball of energy, waiting to explode in the darkness.

It's a ghost. It's a demon. It's everything I fear.

Tearing the sheets off, I claw at my light switch. Light explodes out of the fixture on my ceiling, chasing away every shadow with ravenous delight.

I peer into the corner, trying to push past the piles of clothes and clutter and dust, to find something, something of what I was seeing, hearing, feeling.

But there's nothing. Not a speck out of place.

Padding along the floor, I near the corner. Seemingly normal, seemingly okay.

My heartbeat screams in my ears, my blood races under my fingernails, my breathing ragged like grasping at threads.

I kick at the pile of dirty clothes, and they rocket forward, slamming against the wall with a slap. I push over my art table, pens breaking, bottles of paint splattering, paper crumpling. I throw books over my shoulder, banging, crashing against my own safe haven.

Heaving, trembling, staring at the mass destruction I raged on nothing, I walk back over, turn off the light, and crawl back into bed.

But I know, tomorrow night, it will be back. The thing, the tightness in my jaw, the single candle of nervousness under my diaphragm.

My anxiety.

~The WordShaker

Voyager 1 | Adam Young Score Review

"The thing all writers do best is find ways to avoid writing" -Alan Dean Foster

I was pretty surprised with this score. While I don't love it because it can't top the classics like Apollo 11 and the RMS Titanic, it's not as low as The Ascent of Everest or Project Excelsior. After coming off of the high of the beautiful magic that is Corduroy Road, it would have taken another Omaha Beach to top that one. 

But this month's score is still solid and amazing to listen to, as always. 

Listen to the score here. 

artwork by: james r. eads

1. 1977

Stylistic and full of beat, this song starts off the score strong with the techno sounds of space, and the influences of the 70's. 

2. Earth

Mysterious and deep, this track brings in the instrument side with strings, adding to the raw beauty that is Earth. 

3. Asteroid Belt

Expansive and light, this score captures the rocks floating along in the vastness of space with deep synths. 

4. Jupiter

Imposing in scale like the planet itself, this track bursts with dance-able beats and vocals. 

5. Europa

Building with intensity, this song captures the ethereal and possibly life-holding moon. 

6. Saturn

A beautiful piano piece, this song  displays the immensely quiet beauty of the gentle giant. 

7. Titan

Throbbing with a pulsing beat, this song pushes forward with the music floating like air passing the great moon. 

8. Neptune

Laced with energy, this track comes in hard with techno beats to display the deep and dark gas giant. 

9. Pale Blue Dot

Ethereal, this song makes use of it's clever synths showing the hopeful beauty and massive space between Earth and everything else. 

10. Interstellar Space

Entrancing and other-worldly, this track captivates with synths to show the vast forever laying ahead of this vessel. 

Here's how it compares with the Adam Young Scores Discography:

1. Omaha Beach, June - 20/10

2. RMS Titanic, March - 15/10

3. Apollo 11, February  - 11/10
4. Corduroy Road, September - 10/10

5. Miracle in the Andes, July - 9.5/10

6. The Spirit of St. Louis, April - 9/10

7. Voyager 1, October - 8/10

8. The Ascent of Everest, May - 7/10

9. Project Excelsior, August - 6.5/10

Overall, this is a solid addition to the Adam Young Discography. While it's not bad by any means, the music is beautiful and enjoyable, but doesn't bring too much newness to the table. Exotic and plunging the listener into deep space, this score is a solid 8/10. 

~The WordShaker

The Unappreciated Awesomeness of John Murphy | The 100

"Screw this, I'm going for it," -any successful writer ever

After a hard, stressful day at school, sometimes I just need to watch my new favorite TV show: The 100.

And this week's ramble is about the infamous John Murphy, A.K.A., the resident asshole, who I actually very much enjoy. 

When the show started, I hated him. I thought he was just awful and that's all there was too it. However, he was fun to watch because he was so cynically sarcastic and created conflict. 

But then, I grew to love to hate Murphy. I loved seeing the terrible shit he was going to do next because he was aggressively unpredictable, which, I hate to say, was super entertaining. It made for great tension.  

But then, around the beginning of Season 2, something crazy happened. I was so angry that he shot Raven, but then, in the dropship, he told her his life story, and, all of a sudden, it clicked. And then, soon, he grew into himself, I think. He opened up, and he let that go. 

Murphy's conscience began to show more as him and Jaha began traveling to the City of Light. As soon as he truly saw all of the awful things that Earth - as well as the people on it - had in store, they began to have the opposite effect on him. While other times, it hardened him, it became too much, and he cracked. Murphy changed. 

But what I love so much about this is that he kept his gruff and aggressive demeanor. And, damn it, sometimes he's so funny. His dry humor is perfectly placed, and he knows just what to say at the right time to say it with his beady eyes and pursed lips and scowl.

And so begins Season Three. 

The season starts off with Murphy on the edge of suicide, and his descent into this is powerful and gripping, just another show of Richard Harmon's amazing acting ability. 

He is strong and resilient and conscious in his opposition of Jaha and ALIE. While aspects of Murphy change, such as his outlook on life and his demeanor, the sad, manipulative, selfish, and raunchy core of Murphy never changes. Which is actually pretty great. 

Murphy and Emori together are fantastic. Not only is Emori equally badass and complex, their banter is entertaining, and their chemistry is on fire. 

On to his rape - and yes, Ontari raped him. Right after Titus beat and tortured him. Subtle in it's delivery, it poignantly shows the nuances and coercion of rape. It's just another layer in the deeply broken, sarcastic, and relatable John Murphy. 

The season ends with Murphy as the best part of it. He fights for Emori until the bitter end, and it's utterly fantastic. His greyness as a character is what makes him so dynamic, and, ultimately, so relatable and utterly loveable. 

Overall, I love to hate Murphy, but I also hate to love him. 

He's awesome, cunning, brave, cynical, funny, reckless, and badass. And also just an ass. 

But I absolutely love it. 

~

I've finally concluded that John Murphy is the 'Sawyer' of this series. 

If you have no idea what I just referenced, what the hell are you doing with your life?

~The WordShaker