A Writer's Love Letter to Theater | Olivia J

"Theater is the most immediate way in which another human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being," -Oscar Wilde

There has never been a time where I don't remember being on stage. If it wasn't theater, it was dance. When I quit dance sometime in elementary school, I started theater in fifth grade, and it's been a part of my life ever since. The thing is: I don't know if theater is going to continue to be a part of my life beyond high school.

And so we find ourselves, nearly a decade later. This Saturday was my last show at Washington. I've made lifelong friends and forever memories. I'm feeling a whirlwind of everything, and so, I did what only I knew how do. I wrote about it. 

~

Dear WCHS Theater Department,

Thank you for making this place a home away from home. Sometimes my creative cave can be a little lonely, even when I do connect with other writers/artists. But you guys are loud and bright and crazy and full of love and sometimes it's everything I need on bad days. Thank you for accepting me even though I'm not pursuing a career in this field, even though I'm not 'like you'. 

What I really want to say is that I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss the bleary-eyed trips to Steak 'n Shake. I'm going to miss the writhing of nerves in the dimly lit wings, but the solace of knowing that we're all feeling the same thing. I'm going to miss gambling for Oreos in the scene shop. I'm going to miss that terrible, duct taped couch and that marma-laaaawwwhhd warm-up and the memes we made of ourselves and taped on the walls of the dressing rooms. I'm going to miss this whole experience more than anything about high school, and it breaks my heart that this period of my life is over. 

But hey, maybe this experience will show up in one of my books someday, in flashes of characters and subplots, or little puzzles pieces painting a picture of life and art and the feeling of being free. Maybe I'll write about all of you. That way, I can immortalize this. I'll freeze these moments in time for us to experience and re-experience all over again - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the absolutely amazing. 

Maybe then, I won't miss it so much. But then again, I think those are the best things to write about. 

With bittersweet love,

~The WordShaker

I'm not a Disney princess - I'm a Katniss.

"We write to taste life twice," -Anais Nin

Storytime, my wonderful readers.

 Last night, I went to go see PCHS's production of Beauty and the Beast and my dearest friend, Lauren, was cast as Belle.  Belle was always her favorite princess. They share so much in common, from being a daydreaming bookworm to an odd pariah. Her dreams came true when she was cast in this part. 

However, I was viciously jealous. Why was Lauren getting all the accolades in drama?  What did I do wrong?  Was I that bad?  Awful, selfish thoughts ran through my head. I was jealous because she got the lead, while I didn't even get cast in the spring play (I got to be the student director though). But still, this wasn't enough for me because I so desperately wanted to act. 

I tried my best to be happy for her, and truthfully, the good part of me was. I was overjoyed that she got what she wanted and was able to pursue her dreams, because I love her. But still, I felt less than, just a spectator watching a prima donna blossom. 

On the way to the show, I was talking about this with my mom. I was sharing my frustrations, and while she told me that I was getting accolades in other areas such as art and writing, nothing could make me feel better. Because I couldn't be the princess. 

However, she then said something that resonated deeply with me: 

"You see, you're not a 'Disney princess', you're a 'Katniss'."

 At first, I was like BUT I WANNA BE A PRINCESS, MOM! However, not a second later, I realized what she meant, and that it perfectly described me, that I related to it in ways that I could never relate to any Disney Princess. 

I am not a pretty little girl - I am a warrior. 

I don't wear dresses - I wear combat boots. 

I am not supple and passive - I am resilient. 

I am not pure - I am perfectly flawed. 

I am not innocent - I am wise. 

I am not a damsel in distress - I am strong, despite my gender.  

I am nothing that a Disney princess is - I am everything that a brave, outspoken, viscerally real, and complex  'Katniss' character is. 

And I'm finally realizing that, despite my childhood dreams and jealousy, I'm not a princess. I could never be a princess.

 I am so much more. 

andinnowayisthisabashonprincesses, okistillloveyoulauren

~The WordShaker