The Last Half of High School | Olivia J

"It's not what you write, it's the way you write it," -Jack Kerouac

*Note: I censor because I want to keep the little children safe. Reminder, these are my feelings, messy and dirty as they are, and I'm not going to entirely censor my blog because it's my blog. 

Now that summer school is over, actual school is right around the bend. (Hell, that sounds awful.) And I don't know that I've ever been more scared to go back to school in my life. 

Back in May, I made the decision to be partially homeschooled for the last two years of my high school career. This meant that I would take some classes at the high school but take some at home, even some at the community college. 

This f***ing scares me. 

I really don't like to use this word on my blog, since a lot of people I know read my blog, but truthfully, there's no other four words I could string together to portray how f***ing scared I am of the 2016-2017 school year. 

Not only is it most generally the toughest (hello, ACT), but it's so different. Usually, I'm scared of going back to school because I dread it. Because literally nothing stresses me out more than going to school, and all that that entails. 

However, this year, it's all so different. I'm taking a college class in my junior year of high school. Holy s**t. I'm going to be so young and so new and so different and maybe even so dumb because, even though I tested into it, they're all high school graduates. 

I'm worried that it's going to alienate me. I'm worried that, even though I'm taking three high school classes, it will still make me even more different than everyone else. I'm worried that I'll drift from my amazing (yet few) friends. I'm afraid people are going to criticize me for my choice, even if that choice is best for me. 

I'm so afraid. I'm not afraid because it's bad, but I'm afraid because it's different. 

And I don't like different. 

Love, your extremely conflicted high school student,

~The WordShaker

Project Excelsior | Adam Young Score Review

"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination."

This one's not my favorite, I'll be honest. It's comparable to The Ascent of Everest, which had great style and musical quality but didn't tell the story very well. 

While the music is beautiful, and it may very well grow on me the way Everest did, I still don't think it has those highs and lows and the emotion that all of the other scores have had (minus Everest). However, I've been reading online that fans like Project Excelsior and The Ascent of Everest more than Omaha Beach or Miracle In the Andes because it's "boring and repetitive". They say it's his best score yet. 

Which I think is a load of bullcrap. 

I do applaud it for it's splashes of the musical styles of previous Adam Young work, such as Ocean Eyes or Maybe I'm Dreaming. The guitar work on this is stellar - truly the hands of a master. 

Like The Ascent of Everest, I have mixed feelings, but maybe it's just my taste.  I'm sure it will grow on me. 

Here's how it ranks with the past scores. 

1. Omaha Beach, June
2. The RMS Titanic, March
3. Apollo 11, February
4. Miracle In the Andes, July
5. The Spirit of St. Louis, April
6. The Ascent of Everest, May
7. Project Excelsior, August

I also must commend James R. Eads, the artist. When I initially saw this piece, without even having heard the music, I was pulled in. Suddenly, I felt so small and the world felt so grand. Without anything else, I felt the grandeur, the wonder, of Joseph Kittinger as he was suspended, face to face with the earth. 


Listen to the score here. 

artwork by James R. Eads

1. The Pilot

Inciting with a plucking guitar, this song boasts with humble bravery of the man making this great jump.  

2. Preparations

Relaxing and dreamy, this track emulates the monotony of preparing with beautiful acoustic guitar. 

3. Helium Balloon 

Wide-eyed and glimmering with synths and bells, the listener is taken up in a helium balloon to float among the music. 
4. Ground Crew

Riddled with guitar riffs and ground-breaking synths, this song establishes the ground crew with a song that grows to the awe-inspiring liftoff. 

5. The Ascent

Inventive with it's use of melodies, this score sends us shooting into space with wonder.
6. The Highest Step In The World

A magically phenomenal track, and maybe the best on the album, this song is captivatingly beautiful with piano and synths to awe the listener with. 

7. The Jump

Dance-able and epic, this track races with guitar melodies that range in an exciting array. 

8. The Descent

Techno and influenced by science-fiction music, this song lets the listener soar down through the atmosphere with glorious electric guitar and incorporating previous melodies.   
9. On The Ground

Peaceful and like a breath of fresh air, this track closes the album with acoustics, piano, and synths that speak of sweet relief. 

~

I think the biggest problem with this and Everest was that I couldn't picture it in my head. 

And maybe that's just me. 

~The WordShaker

3 Awful Messages that 'Me Before You' Sends

"Looking straight at the world is part of your duty as a writer," -Pat Barker

I had heard rave reviews about Me Before You, that it was touching and heartbreaking and funny and lovable. 

ig: @olivia.j.the.wordshaker

But, like your friendly neighborhood critic I am, I found many problems with it. 

While it wasn't a poorly written or constructed book, and it was funny at times, there are major problems it has. It was smartly written and realistic, but the undercurrent of harmful messages it sends trumps any strong character or good writing. 

The story was mostly about Lou, whereas there was so much underdeveloped potential with Will's story. The author barely scratched the surface of many different important elements, like assisted suicide, living with a disability, mental health, free will, and loving someone. There was so much potential, and I was promised that it would be fulfilled. 

*Hint: It wasn't.

So, here goes the 3 Awful Messages that 'Me Before You' Sends

1. Your disabilities define you. 
Many times, Will talks about his condition and his disability as if that's the only part of him. He lets the disability hold him back. 

Will acts as if his disability has degenerated his brain, which it hasn't. He was seeking fulfillment in material things. The problem is, is that Will had emotional problems before his accident, and then, these could only be addressed post facto. 

Do they do this?  Of course not. They let Will mope around and never confront his issues head on, just trying to get him out of the house and 'have fun'. 

Bullshit. 

I am here to tell you that you should never, ever, let any disability, any disadvantage, any weakness, anything define you. Nothing physical, nothing mental, nothing you've ever done in your past truly defines you. Because you know who defines you?

You. And everything good about you. 

2. Quadriplegics lead, and always will lead, terrible lives. 
*All ideas from this point are from Just Happen to Be on YouTube*

Noted, I don't know much, if anything about paralysis.  And while this book was educational so far, I don't think it's an accurate or positive depiction of people with spinal chord injuries.  

While the complications with SCI are numerous, and never fun, this doesn't mean that this consumes their life. Quadriplegics can go on to live full and successful lives. It just reinforces another harmful stereotype that 

*cough* Stephen Hawking, a world renowned theoretical physicist who has obviously never let his disability hold him back, Christopher Reeve, who continued directing and became a powerful activist after his accident, Curtis Mayfield, a famous singer who continued to compose music while paralyzed, and countless more. *COUGH*

And, probably the worst one by far: 

3. There's no hope. 
*Spoilers* Will dies at the end. He goes through with assisted suicide, and it's terrible. It's terrible because this slaps the readers in the face with there's no hope. By killing him off, it shows that the author believes that there's never hope for Will getting better. And I don't mean physically - I mean he could have the same condition until he dies of old age - I mean mentally, emotionally. There's always hope, because, who knows, even if a person with quadriplegia never goes on to become famous, they can still go to college, get married, have kids, drive, write books, create art, have businesses, travel the world, and, most importantly, be happy. 

So, screw off, 'Me Before You'. You make people with quadriplegia (and many other people) shake their heads. 

~The WordShaker

Karitos 2016

"We do not write to be understood. We write to understand," -C.S. Lewis

Karitos, the Chicago-area Christian Arts event of the year is over, and every time, I wish it didn't go so fast. Even though it was longer this year, it still flew by. 

There were things I loved, and things I was so disappointed about, but I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. Since I missed last year due to vacation, it was so great to be back in community with other creatives. 

@minimadi16 and me

I saw wonderful familiar faces, like amazing artists Linda Harris-Iorio, Lynn Zuk-Lloyd, seasoned veterans in the writing community, as well as new people that I'll connect with over the year and next year. 

I took some fantastic classes, especially from newbie Howi Tiller, in the theater department who taught classes that I could apply to my writing. 

One of the best was Healing Art from Lynn Zuk-Lloyd. The presence was so heavy, and this was evidenced in everyone's artwork. This is a quick and arguably terrible oil pastel about the epidemic of self harm in my generation, and how God just wants to love them beyond anything they can imagine. 

However, there was a few things that extraordinarily disappointed me. The writing program sucked. Some of my favorite teachers like the wise and captivating Jane Rubietta were nowhere to be found. The deep and technical classes were traded out for discussion based and inspirational classes. While they would benefit a budding and unsure writer, they are extremely shallow and unfitting for a seasoned writer sure in their purpose. 

I found the theater classes, especially ones taught by Howi Tiller, to be enthralling and extremely applicable to my writing. I took a music class for the first time, which was really scary. It was Developing Your Musicianship Through Improvisation, and while it was another good class with an amazing teacher, it still was pushing me out of my comfort zone.

But what disappointed me so much about this wasn't as much of that I didn't learn more about Christian writing, but that I missed the Christian writing community. I missed talking with them and relating to them and being with them. Because, more than anyone else, they're my people. And I missed them. 

Yet again, I got an awesome necklace from the eccentric and amazing Linda Harris-Iorio. This necklace is hand made, and is titled Word Warrior: It's time to write! This lady is awesome I want her to be my grandmother. 

But there were many other, overall significant things of Karitos. God was definitely growing me in the other arts, getting me out of my comfort zone with taking zero writing classes and mostly theater, art, and music classes. I'm secure in my writing, He knows that, we all know that, and I couldn't learn anything, I couldn't grow in the ways I needed to by taking the writing classes (obviously), and I took a step of faith by going to classes I probably never would have taken otherwise. 

Fun times. 

With all of the violence and disarray going on between the races, it was beautiful and downright glorious to see people of every tongue and nation, every age and background, together just shouting praises to God. It truly was a slice of heaven on earth. It was a God-sent example of true Christian unity. 

And I believe that this is significant. It's going to change race relations, one hug and one conversation and one smile at a time. 

Overall, Karitos was thebomb.com. I look forward to going every year. 

~The WordShaker

I'll be infinite. | Short Story

"Words heal the wounds inflicted by life."

The stars remind me that I'm human.

That the same elementary atoms that make up my very breath are living, basking among the stars. They remind me that I am small, that everything I know is trivial, because they are expansive and beautiful and burning bright.

They remind me that everything bad will fade away. That all my problems are just mere static in a world brimming with glory.

So maybe I'll become and sailor of the stars. An astronaut. And then I'll see the greater things in this world. I'll see every little nugget of stardust that the world and beyond has for me.

And then. I'll be infinite.

~The WordShaker

Miracle in the Andes by Adam Young - Score Review

"The stories we love best do live in us forever," -JK Rowling

Every time I hear one of Adam Young's scores for the first time, I want to scream and shout. Because all these scores are are telling amazing stories through sound. And as a lover of great stories, I drink up every single second of these albums.

Not only do these perfectly reflect the time period, the emotions, and the event surrounding it, Adam always keeps it fresh and new. Like with the RMS Titanic, this is similar, and could be very similar, but Adam takes new and dark twists that always keep you entertained.

Blending the throbbing synths of The Ascent of Everest and the dangerous anxiety of Omaha Beach, the master has done it again.

This score is about the Andes flight disaster in 1972. With 45 passengers but only 16 survivors, this tells their story of how they survived in the Andes mountains for 2 months.

Listen to Miracle in the Andes here.

This time around, I must comment on the cover art. Not like it hasn't been spectacular, because it has, but as I was listening to this score for the first time, I just kept staring at the artwork.  I was just pulled in by the colors and the movement and lines. Everything about it perfectly embodies the score, and enriched the experience for me. Kudos, James R. Eads

On with the review!

~

1. The Fairchild

Impending yet beautiful, the violins in this track portray the doomed plane perfectly.  

2. Impact

Anxiety-producing and hauntingly striking, this score denotes the terrifying crash of Flight 517 in alternative groans and synths.

3. Making Water

The elusive keyboard in this track makes the listener feel the curiosity and desperation as the survivors melted snow.

4. The Dead

This track swells and breaks down with heavy violins, creating a chaotic image of death and flooding emotions.  

5. Avalanche

Crushing synths create the terrifying impact and ringing aftermath of thousands of tons of falling snow.

6. The Tail

An inventive and throbbing track with quirky electronic synths, this song rings with the creativity and desperation of the survivors traveling to civilization.  

7. Camera

Unique with sounds of the sun and wind, this track portrays the almost childlike wonder as the survivors found solace in the surreal experience.

8. Parrado and Canessa

Mournful with acoustic guitar, this track boasts with horns that create the image of two brave men who had to make hard decisions.  

9. The Rider

Triumphant with pulsing violins and horns, this score paints a beautiful picture of being rescued.

10. Rescue

Awestruck and traumatized, the kindred strings bring the survivors and the story to a close.

~

Since this is a lesser-known disaster, some background information is required. For example, tracks 6 and 7 might not make much sense to someone not familiar with this event. Parado and Canessa found the tail section on their journey to civilization, and used this as warmth for the few nights. The survivors also found a camera in the plane, of which they used to take photographs of themselves if anyone ever found them.  

Overall, this is an awesome score. Another solid addition to his discography.

~The WordShaker

Summer Classes, Novel Troubles, and Finding Myself (An Update)

"I write to discover what I know," -Flannery O'Conner

I feel like it's definitely been a hot minute since I've updated you readers on my life (since you obviously care so much and that's why you read my blog). So I thought I might get some things off of my chest. 

I went on a college visit in the beginning of this month to SCAD (the Savannah College of Art and Design), and I hate to say that I fell in love with it. It's writing program was exactly what I was looking for, and Atlanta and Savannah are beautiful art hubs. The atmosphere and attitude fit right with me, and I was entirely enraptured by the South and the college. 

me at the atlanta campus

It also scared the living daylights out of me. 9+ hours away from home, away from anything remotely familiar, all coming in less than 2 years. And I have to grab onto the coarse rope of the fact that God's got it all under control.

I'm only writing this so I can later believe it. 

~

I am also taking a summer class. Not for remedial purposes, but because I hate myself. 

No really, I just want to get ahead and get the required classes out of the way. While I've got some quirky boys I sit next to, it's not fun. Or, as fun as American government can be. 

Here's me having some great fun at summer school!

But hell, God put me in this class, told me to take this class for a reason. I'm just still struggling to find out what that is. 

~

As usual, I'm having novel troubles. I found myself stuck, listening to the wrong voices, the voices of my own self doubt, of my critical beta-readers - which, I know, that's what they're for - but I was letting that cloud my judgement. I was letting what they think influence the way I was thinking about my story. 

I had to disconnect. I had to stop the beta process, and take a few steps back. Reevaluate. And eventually, I got my groove back. Partially this was because of long driving hours to Georgia and also because of an amazing book I read, called The Distance Between Lost and Found by Kathryn Holmes, which inspired me to get back at it. 

And I found it again. I found my undying love for the story, and that's what's making it gold again. Not the advice from disconnected audience members, or critical mentors, but from what the story had weaved itself into, and what I wanted for it. 

And some nights, I still think that my story is absolute shit and that there's no amount of editing or rewriting that I could do to fix it, I just remember, I just hold true to what it's really about. 

And that's telling a good story. 

The beta process will start up again, but with different people and via a different method. And this time, I'll be prepared. 

And I'll keep persevering. 

~

I guess that feels better. I just needed to be real with you guys and stop posting such pre-planned and formal stuff. A swirl of other things have been going on in my life, and I just needed to talk about the things I could discuss here. God bless, and keep your eyes focused heavenward. 

Keep it real, WordShakers. 

~The WordShaker