My First Love | Olivia J

"Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on," -Louis L'Amour

Writing will always be my first love. Everything else is just varying degrees of side hoes.

Taking God out of the equation, which seems counterintuitive, writing will always be my first earthly love, because it springs of a place of God.

My dad, when describing the musical genius Adam Young, always says that God just came down and dropped a little bit of glory, a smidgen of pure talent into Adam Young and blessed him. Not that I can compare to the electropop god himself, but it seems like it's the same concept.

Writing will always be my first love, because it's something so essential to who I am; it can never be removed. You can take the person out of the writing, meaning you can, with all that's physically possible, stop me from writing. But you can't take the writer out of the person, meaning no matter what, I'll always be a writer.

When everything is wrong, when even God seems far away, I always have my words. I'll always have my writing.

Because, while it might seem like I'm glorifying my writing, I'm not. My writing is a direct connection to God, and I know that He's listening, despite what I feel, despite if I ever hear anything back.

Writing will always be my first love, because when the whole world falls away, I know I'm a writer. I know that this is who I am in Christ, and that is my destiny and my fate. I know that because there's a spark, a never ending flame of passion, that can never be snuffed out. The spark that makes the words explode out of me in screaming color. The spark that makes my words touch people in their wounds. The spark that makes my heart cry to tell stories, to hear stories. To be a story.

Writing will always be my first love, ever since I drew terrible pictures of people and scribbled landscapes when I was four. I made my mom write down the narration and dialogue, and then we stapled them together. From that point on, my feet were set. I fell in love, as much as a four year old could, with stories, with art.

Writing will always be my first love. No questions asked.

~The WordShaker

Our Personal and Christian Identity

"A writer's goal is to weave the ordinary into fine silk ad the truly extraordinary into diaphanous clarity," -C.J. Heck

Without our identity, we are nothing. 

Not even the summation of our broken parts, because not even that defines us. Without our identity - our identity in Christ, within ourselves - we are easily tossed by the seas of life. 

Our identity - as children of God, and also as individuals - is the foundation of everything else in our lives. 

If you foundation is in another person, they'll fail. If it is in yourself, your sin nature will always prevail. If it is in your talents, you'll fail, or someone won't appreciate them. 

The only anchor that draws me back from my feelings, from my failures, is the knowledge of who I am. And some days, when the wind screams, the rain is a torrential downpour, and I am just a sailboat caught in a hurricane, I hold steadfast to the unshakable iron of who I am. 

Not what I think I am, not what anyone else says I am. But who God says I am. 

Find your identity. And then never let it go. 

~The WordShaker

Testing my Faith | Olivia J

"If you can tell stories, create characters, devise incidents, and have sincerity and passion, it doesn't matter a damn how you write," -Somerset Maugham

Life's a ride, and I'm just here to tell you about my section of the long-ass, sweaty, cramped line waiting with an uncertain probability of getting on that roller coaster. 

But maybe that line is filled with great people. 

Life, actually, has been great. Partial homeschooling has been successful - in the academic sense and in the social/stress sense. I got a part in my school's musical. A cute boy asked me to homecoming. I've got more freedom than I've ever had before, and I've learned to throw myself into it headfirst. 

But my writing life has suffered. I've been trying to throw paper airplanes into the stratosphere - no story is sticking, no story is flowing out from me. And I hate it. 

Though it sounds stereotypical, stories - having a story to write - makes me feel alive. It's why I'm here, and without that, I feel aimless, like I'm wandering through life. 

But maybe I need to wander. Maybe I need to walk through the labyrinth of life, meet more people, process all that I am experiencing, hit rock bottom, fill myself up, so the words can come freely - so the story just explodes out of me. 

And so I wait. So I just live. I don't plan ahead, I don't over-analyze, I don't plot out everything so it all wraps up in a nice, little bow. I just live. 

Live, so that another great story can come out of this season of my life. 

Because seasons change. Things will get worse. And I don't say that to sound pessimistic, I say that because we have trials and tribulations - the storms will come again, but a story will blossom from it. It always does. 

In youth group a while ago, we read a passage in 1 Peter about how the bad stuff shows our character, brings out our real faith in God. 

And the whole time, I was just conflicted. Convicted, maybe. Because at my lowest point, through every struggle and strife, I felt more sure of God than I ever have. I always knew that God was the eye of the hurricane in my life - that He was the lightning rod I clung to no matter what. 

But now that life was good - I found myself on 'autopilot'. There were always other things that needed to be done, that I could or should be doing than taking care of myself mentally, spiritually. I am learning to hold onto God in the good times. Because the good times are the times we are more prone to selfishness, distraction, everything that could draw us away. 

Because how we act towards God when life is good are the real tests of our faith. 

And so, every day, I try and take a step back from all of this external good, and thank God for every thing - big and little. 

~The WordShaker

Karitos 2016

"We do not write to be understood. We write to understand," -C.S. Lewis

Karitos, the Chicago-area Christian Arts event of the year is over, and every time, I wish it didn't go so fast. Even though it was longer this year, it still flew by. 

There were things I loved, and things I was so disappointed about, but I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. Since I missed last year due to vacation, it was so great to be back in community with other creatives. 

@minimadi16 and me

I saw wonderful familiar faces, like amazing artists Linda Harris-Iorio, Lynn Zuk-Lloyd, seasoned veterans in the writing community, as well as new people that I'll connect with over the year and next year. 

I took some fantastic classes, especially from newbie Howi Tiller, in the theater department who taught classes that I could apply to my writing. 

One of the best was Healing Art from Lynn Zuk-Lloyd. The presence was so heavy, and this was evidenced in everyone's artwork. This is a quick and arguably terrible oil pastel about the epidemic of self harm in my generation, and how God just wants to love them beyond anything they can imagine. 

However, there was a few things that extraordinarily disappointed me. The writing program sucked. Some of my favorite teachers like the wise and captivating Jane Rubietta were nowhere to be found. The deep and technical classes were traded out for discussion based and inspirational classes. While they would benefit a budding and unsure writer, they are extremely shallow and unfitting for a seasoned writer sure in their purpose. 

I found the theater classes, especially ones taught by Howi Tiller, to be enthralling and extremely applicable to my writing. I took a music class for the first time, which was really scary. It was Developing Your Musicianship Through Improvisation, and while it was another good class with an amazing teacher, it still was pushing me out of my comfort zone.

But what disappointed me so much about this wasn't as much of that I didn't learn more about Christian writing, but that I missed the Christian writing community. I missed talking with them and relating to them and being with them. Because, more than anyone else, they're my people. And I missed them. 

Yet again, I got an awesome necklace from the eccentric and amazing Linda Harris-Iorio. This necklace is hand made, and is titled Word Warrior: It's time to write! This lady is awesome I want her to be my grandmother. 

But there were many other, overall significant things of Karitos. God was definitely growing me in the other arts, getting me out of my comfort zone with taking zero writing classes and mostly theater, art, and music classes. I'm secure in my writing, He knows that, we all know that, and I couldn't learn anything, I couldn't grow in the ways I needed to by taking the writing classes (obviously), and I took a step of faith by going to classes I probably never would have taken otherwise. 

Fun times. 

With all of the violence and disarray going on between the races, it was beautiful and downright glorious to see people of every tongue and nation, every age and background, together just shouting praises to God. It truly was a slice of heaven on earth. It was a God-sent example of true Christian unity. 

And I believe that this is significant. It's going to change race relations, one hug and one conversation and one smile at a time. 

Overall, Karitos was thebomb.com. I look forward to going every year. 

~The WordShaker

Part 1.4: You Were Born for This - Blog Journal of "Writing In the Glory"

"For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew is Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." -Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

Phew.  Sorry it's been so long since I've done one of these, but it's just been crazy lately and I've been posting some prewritten posts. 

I might be a little rusty. I've been working on my 'main hoe' novel, A Cactus In the Valley, however, this series is focused around my novel about a school shooting. 

1. What were some of your dreams and desires as a child? 

While my 'dreams' in terms of what I wanted to be have changed, the core value remains the same.  I don't want to be ordinary. I always knew that I want meant to do something more.  Something greater.

When I was a child, I never focused on my career. I just focused on what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be. I had wonderful parents who fostered the music inside of me, and let it play. Whatever I wanted to pursue, they let me, they supported me.  And of course, I had phases.  I wanted to be a figure skater for point-five seconds. But they stuck with the belief and faith that God had placed a gift inside of me, and that it was their job to sift through and search and bring it out in me.  

And I thank them tenfold for this. 

2. How have you seen God's hand in your life, weaving desires from long ago into your present situations? 

My favorite question :). Every once in a while, I will go back and read through old dreams I have had, and listen to tapes of the Good Ol' Christ The King days of people prophesying over me, and I am more and more amazed of how these things are coming true in my life now. Specifically, I remember many people telling me that I was going to be a servant leader. And this is what I'm doing now, in high school.  I am planting seeds of hope in a barren wasteland, preparing the way of the Lord in the hearts of the next generation. 

Not only that, I receive confirmation frequently that this is where I'm supposed to be - despite how much I despise it. I was heavily rejected at PCS, the school I went to from K-6th grade. They never understood my artistic creativity and passionate love.  They rejected my writing, which was blossoming in fifth grade. I became more and more uncomfortable in the tight mold that PCS was trying to shove me in. And halfway through sixth grade, I was convinced that I was supposed to go to public school. Not only was this being prayed about by my parents, but God placed the desire in me to go out there and explode into the woman of God I am today. 

Heh, I could talk about this subject for days. But all that really matters is how I feel right know, being secure and knowing that God's hand is moving in my life, that it's not all happenstance and that there is some meaning to this crazy world we find ourselves in. 

~

Then, it instructs to reflect and repeat a prayer. Following, is a self-discussion starter about releasing the message, etc.  Most of what this is should come out in the passage I write. 

Truly, the largest thing that's come out of me reading and studying along with this book is that this school shooting story needs to happen.  No matter how fetus it is in it's conception, no matter how underdeveloped or weak, it needs to be told.  And it will get there by the inspiration and grace of God. 

But God, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the world will push back just as hard as I push it. I'm afraid that I'll never reach my goals, that I'll never get my work out there, that I'll be stuck in a dead end job with a life I hate. 

But my dreams are among the stars and my hopes high. I am destined for greatness, and called to love.  Anything else that happens is just a stone on the path of life that You have laid in front of me. 

All praise and glory be to Jesus Christ, to whom I owe my all. 

~The WordShaker

Beta Readers and Life Lessons

"Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself," -Frank Kafka

 Because I have no regrets, I have made another YouTube video - an update on the beta-reading process, which is entirely new territory for me, and as always some encouragement for ya'll.

Beta Readers and Life Lessons

Much love, 

~The WordShaker

Part 1.3: Transformation - Blog Journal of "Writing In the Glory"

"The act of giving voice to this spiritual suffering is the sacred duty of the writer," -Mo Yan

Third times the charm, I see. I'm so glad you're back for the third installment of my ongoing study of 'Writing In the Glory' by Jennifer A. Miskov.

Transformation.

"You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody.  You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." -2 Corinthians 3:2-3

1. What impact do you want your life to have on others?

I want my books to speak to the deep places in people.  To entertain is the simplest, the shallowest, the least important of what I want to accomplish.  I want my books to have significance - writing without purpose is like eating just to eat, drinking just to drink - I write because I have something to say and that something is a message of hope that every soul needs.

2. What impact do you want your book to have on others?

I want this book to show people that even the worst of times can turn into the best of times - God turns our mourning into dancing.  That creativity can heal. That there is one thing that binds us together: the human experience - rich in love and hope and pain and fear, and above all, the ability of choice.

~

Much love,

~The WordShaker

Called To Love

"What people are ashamed of usually makes a good story," -F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sometimes, I get so caught up.  So caught up in needless things, worthless things. And I forget.  I lose sight of the light at the end of this tunnel, because I look away.

But I can't forget.  I can't forget that I am called to love. On this less-taken path, I get distracted by the sharp stones that cut my calloused feet open.  By the aromatic flowers that poison my lungs. By the tree branches that reach up and block out the light.

But I can't let go.  I can't forget.  I have no other purpose of in my life other than love. I am called to love. I need to keep my eyes on the prize, keep my eyes turned up toward Him.  I must act as a mirror, reflecting the love that he shows to me back to the world.  But I get so caught up in everything that doesn't matter.  The world grabs me by the shirt collars and drags me down, and for a few fleeting moments, I want to follow it. But I can't.  I can't let myself.

Because I am made for more. I am called to love, and I can't let that go, or this will all be for nothing.  

~The WordShaker

More

"The scariest moment is always just before you start," -Stephen King

I was meant for more.  I was meant for more than just a 9 to 5 office job.  I was meant for more than to be bound by the alarm clock and my evening drink. I was made for more.  I was built and crafted by the hands of God for more than just this measly, bottom line life where I work just to live nicely and save up for retirement. 

I was meant to live dangerously.  Extremely.  Exuberantly.  Joyfully and thoughtfully and richly. Knowing my purpose and future has given me so much to live for.  Knowing that I have a husband and children and career and ministry of my dreams waiting for me is the voltage that keeps me surviving on the hardest, coldest days. Knowing God's plan for your life is so crucial, because once you know that, everything else will fall into place.  

I was meant for more.  I was destined for greatness only God can bestow upon his children.  And when I get distracted by the fuss of live and discouraged by everything everyone else is doing, I have to keep in mind that this is my story, this is my life and no one else's except for God's. 

We all were meant for more. We are all meant for God's greatness and beauty and love, but we must tap into these riches by following the path he has laid in front of us.  It might not always be pretty or nice or easy on the feet or eyes. 

But hope.  Hope for the future, that things will always end up right because God is leading us stray sheep along. 

I was meant for so much more than this.  And so were you. 

Much love,

~The WordShaker

Poem: Equality Parts 1&2, and an Update on Mobile Orchestra

"Poetry is the rhythmical creation of beauty in words,"

-Edgar Allen Poe

A list of small facts about yours truly:

1. I am a bad, pathetic poet.

2. Please refer to #1.

But I was feeling inspired, so here's something I whipped up.

Equality by Olivia J

I.

Somehow, we have this idea

That we could all be the same in this area

But it's not hard to see that we're not all the same

Even though this causes much bane.

In this world,

I have been told

that equality is the answer

when our selfish desires are the romancer.

However, I am not trying to say

that malice is okay

because everyone deserves some basic human respect

but we must remember that diversity makes our world flecked.

The only point I desire to get across,

And I'll make sure not to gloss,

over the fact that human nature

is quite evil, and we should only denature

By the grace of Jesus Christ

because I know that my heart has been a heist.

II.

Equality can never be obtained

unless we are drained

of our imperfections

by the perfect one.

But what is equality, anyways?

Just a rouse to keep our insecurities at bay?

Accept and love yourself.

We shouldn't care about anyone on the lonely shelf.

If you're angry at society,

If this is a source of anxiety,

Why is it any of your business

that your peers make progress?

Even if you don't agree,

why can't we live in harmony?

Because harmony means different notes

and then, we could finally float.

And remember, that variety is the spice of life;

So, if I may ask, could we let go of the strife?

Lastly, I would like to give an update on my review of Owl City's Mobile Orchestra.  Like most of his music, it grew on me.  I like Can't Live Without You much more now.  I realize why Mobile Orchestra is so all-over-the-place, so to speak.  This quote, found on the Owl City website, explains it all.

“Mobile Orchestra is all about variety,” he asserts. “In the past, I’ve set out to make albums that were designed to be a singular listening experience, flowing from track to track. This time around, the songs are like ten rabbit holes that go off in different directions. I had never approached a record like this. I wanted to clear the slate and forget what I knew in order to create a new experience. I spent two years working on it, and it had the time to grow in between every idea. That’s why there’s so much going on.”

I understand the concept behind what Adam is saying here, I just don't know that I like it.  Again, it took me a while to get used to the blend of old and new sounds found on this album, but overall, I really do like it.

Peace, Love and Never Stop Writing,

~The WordShaker