A List of Doubts for Future Me

"The pain taught me how to write, and the writing taught me how to heal," -Harman Kaur

I had massive doubts concerning A Cactus In the Valley, but look where we are now? But I didn't write them down, mostly because I probably didn't give them the time of day or didn't want to verbalize them.

But now that I'm struggling through a new novel - and messing with the slog of scholarship applications and college stuff, I wish I had written down those times I felt awful, doubtful, useless. 

So, for future Olivia. Either when I'm looking back with rose colored glasses, or writing a new novel or pursuing a career and wish to find solace in knowing that these were just feelings, and that they've all passed I've done it before, so I can do it again. 

So. For future me, yeah. 

And totally not because I'm feeling like a shitty writer at the moment. 

~

1. My characters will always be underdeveloped, my writing always floundering, my plot always incomplete. 

That my characters will never become as alive as Terra or Wyatt, or as any of my other characters from any of my other stories. That what I'm aiming for in my writing will never stick. It seems to be such a monstrous, insurmountable task that I'll never complete. 

3. My story will never be good enough for my standards, much less for anyone else to read. 

No matter how much I work on it, it will never be perfect. And I'll never be happy with it. Which breaks my heart, because I have such a deep love for my other stories, but I have yet to fall deeply, endlessly, ferociously in love with this story. And I want to be so in love with this story, but I'm not yet. 

4. This isn't the novel I should be writing. 

I'm scared that I should be working on other projects, namely a few novellas and a trilogy that I had cooked up. I'm scared that the story itself isn't ready yet, that it's too underdeveloped for me to jump right in. 

5. My story will never stick. 

I'm so worried that no matter what, I'll never be able to work on my story to a place where I believe the story, to where I feel the story. To where it makes me laugh and cry. To where the characters jump off the page and I can't bear to do anything else. Where I'm never uninspired. 

6. I'm not actually a good writer - just good compared to the people around me.

This is a big one. Because what if I get to SCAD and find that, amongst the great, I'm only okay. What if I'm not scholarship worthy? What if I'm not bestseller good? I guess I've put all my eggs in one basket. 

~

All in all, a part of me knows that these doubts will subside and that I will come to accept and love my story, and to push through and finish. 

But right now, I just have to write and write and self-loathe and pray that everything will be ironed out. 

The only reason I know this is because that's what happened with My Life, Your Life, and Other Dumb Things, and A Cactus In The Valley.

I just wish I had written it down. 

~The WordShaker

Guest Post: In Defence of Ghostwriting by Amy L. Sauder

When I discovered Olivia’s reservations about ghostwriting in the world, we agreed to share our thoughts. I think ghostwriting has a place in the literary universe, and here’s why:

Why to consider hiring a ghostwriter:

*Actual image of a ghostwriter*

In my class “Do You Have a Book in You?” I don’t coddle. I don’t say, “You have a story to tell, so you have a book in you.” You may have a book in you, but there’s more than just “having a story to tell” involved in that.

And for some people, they have a story to tell, but they don’t have a book in them. They don’t have a passion for the writing, they have a passion for the message, the story. Those people would be wise to at least take a moment to consider a ghostwriter.

Consider this:

- If writing isn’t your dream, are you willing to devote time and energy to writing a book instead of devoting that time and energy to your actual dream?

 - Since you likely aren’t trained in writing since it’s not your passion, are you willing to sacrifice quality in getting your book out there – sacrificing the number of readers and the impact of the message?

 -Alternatively, can you devote the adequate time, effort, and income to receive the training necessary to clearly communicate the story you want to tell with the quality it deserves?

 -If you do choose to devote time, energy, and income towards receiving training on writing, are you willing to chance diluting the passion of the message with the obligatory monotony of a medium you aren’t passionate about working in?

There are options other than hiring a ghostwriter of course: Telling your message in a medium you *are* passionate about, but that’s a whole nother blogpost – or actually, it’s a 30-minute online course you can take for free ;)

If you look at those questions and decide, “Yes, I must have a book out there, but no, I can’t write it.”

Then instead of devoting time and energy to writing a book, instead devote some finances to hiring a ghostwriter.

What makes ghostwriters the bomb-diggety:

Ghostwriters aren’t quite ghosts, sadly. But they’re still more or less supernatural in their capabilities!

They’re like the undercover secret agents of the writing world. The trained, the elite, the you-never- saw-it-coming – the ghostwriters.   

-Us regular writers take years of writing to find our own voice

-Ghostwriters are shapeshifters, finding the unique voice of each person they are writing for.

 -Us regular writers mostly write something we’re passionate about

-Ghostwriters use a magical spell to transfer your passion into their words. Your passion is infectious and as it seeps into them, topics or stories the ghostwriter may have never been passionate about are suddenly passionately written!

 -Us regular writers might be considered semi-narcissistic – speaking of myself here mostly ;) They devote their life to making their dreams come true.

-Ghostwriters are fairy godmothers, passionate about devoting their lives to making others dreams come true. How cool is that! 

-Us regular writers are clumsy and walk into doors and walls and lampposts

-Ghostwriters are also clumsy, but at least they float right through the objects. Or wait, is that just ghosts?

Why readers should care about ghostwriting:

Readers should be ecstatic to support the existence of ghostwriters. Not only do ghosts make for great stories, but *ghostwriters* make for great stories. More quality stories will exist for readers when non-writers choose one of these three options:

 1)  share their story in a medium they’re skilled and passionate in

 2)  have the passion and take time to gain the skill of writing before putting the story out there

 3)  hire a ghostwriter to marry their passion and knowledge of the content with the ghostwriter’s passion and skill for writing

The problem with ghostwriting:

Now here’s the horrid part about ghostwriters – as awesome as they are, they don’t get the credit. Hit the NYT bestsellers list, win the Pulitzer prize, get a movie deal – everyone applauds the author (the person who hired the ghostwriter.) The ghostwriter is, well, ghosted. They generally can’t even say they wrote it, because they *officially* didn’t.

*Also actual image of a ghostwriter*

So why does the person who hired the ghostwriter get to be the author? Why do they get credit?

Ideas are a dime a dozen. Scratch that. Ideas don’t cost a thing, in fact, us writers can’t turn them off. So no, a ghostwriter likely isn’t needing the idea from the author, that’s not what makes the book. But what we call the author, the person who hired the ghostwriter, they contribute much more than the idea.

I get why the person called the “author” is, in fact, the author. It’s their brainchild, their knowledge, their story, their platform, their audience, their marketing, their voice, and their passion.

The ghostwriter alone generally wouldn’t have all those things to get the book out there as a successful book, certainly not as the book it actually is. If the ghostwriter alone wrote the book, maybe it would miss the knowledge of the topic or the direct experience with the story. Maybe if the ghostwriter alone wrote the book, it wouldn’t reach as large an audience. Maybe if the ghostwriter alone wrote the book, it wouldn’t have that unique voice, style, or tone. Maybe it would just lack passion.

So on that note, mad props to the author for making all this happen!

How to fix the discrepancy:

I get it. The author deserves a lot of credit for making this book happen. And also, the ghostwriter deserves a lot of credit for making this book happen. It takes two. It most definitely takes great skill for a ghostwriter to take all the author has to offer and turn it into a quality book. And it most definitely takes the author to make the book happen in the first place.

Here’s my proposal, the main thing I’d change about the concept of ghostwriting to give proper credit:

On any ghostwritten book, have the front cover say “Written by [name of supernatural ghostwriter person], Directed by [name of the person who had the vision to make the book happen]”. We already do this for movies: listing actors, directors, producers, and all myriad of workers in the credits. Just do that for books with ghostwriters too – give them some credit for their kickbutt magical powers

  

What do you think?

 What say you? Do you think ghostwriters as an entity should just be called “authors”? Or do you think ghostwriters have their place in the literary universe hidden behind the scenes? Share your thoughts in the comments, check out Olivia’s counter-argument on my site, and join the convo!

~

Amy L Sauder has been called both “Quirky Meta Mystery” and “Walking Fairytale,” and she can’t decide which is the highest compliment.

Since gaining her English Lit degree, she has studied creative writing and dabbled in other arts she probably has no business dabbling in. Amy strongly believes that in some parallel universe her clumsy self has figured out how to be a trapeze artist. In any universe, she’s also passionate about mac 'n' cheese and red hair, but that’s beside the point.

You can follow her creative journey at amylsauder.wordpress.com, from the “Once Upon” to the “Ever After” and every point in between.

You can also find her on social media:

Facebook:  facebook.com/amylsauder

Twitter:   @amylsauder

~

Thank you, Amy, for collaborating with me! This discussion is nowhere near over, and we'd love to hear your thoughts. Don't forget to check out my strongly worded thoughts on her blog!

amylsauder.wordpress.com/2017/06/16/guest-post-how-ghostwriting-is-hurting-the-book-world

~The WordShaker

Fanfiction's Purpose in the Writing World

"Every writer I know has trouble writing," -Joseph Heller

I've been a writer for fourteen years.

While this specific title wasn't self-proclaimed until about six years ago, and while I haven't made a single cent on my passion, fourteen years to my name is impressive for the blossoming age of seventeen, not to toot my own horn or anything.

Like any human trying anything new, we imitate. As developing children, we learn to speak and walk by watching our parents - we imitate.

This is why fan-fiction is essential for new writers.

Fan-fiction, for all you noobs out there, is fiction written by fans of a particular original work.  Examples being: a fan writing an alternate ending to The Hunger Games series, about a character's untold backstory on Lost, about what happened to Hazel Grace after Gus died and she read his letter - it can be anything, as long as it's related to a fandom.  However, fan-fiction has a notorious reputation on the internet for being extremely and inappropriately sexual, and for having poor grammar and atrocious writing.

Like any young child, I spent a good portion of my free time coloring and drawing pictures.  Except I would create a series of pictures, and characters and plotlines to go along with it.  And even before I was able to pick up a pencil and scratch out any words myself, I was creating stories.  So I would tell my mom what each picture meant and what was happening, and she would write them down and then staple them together.  To this day, they sit in my basement in a huge Tupperware tub - that's how much I wrote.

And my most notable works was a three-part retelling of Cinderella where she was a princess and a secret agent who lived under the stairs of her evil step-family's house with her cat. My most favorite, however, was 'The Incredibles Meet Shark-Boy and Lava-Girl"  where these two bands of supers teamed up to fight the Omnidroid 11.

I kid you not.

Later, however, I began to develop my own stories with my own plot and characters - and while these were loosely based on my childhood obsessions and almost every character had a real life counterpart, fan-fiction was a good part of my writing journey.

This is why I am for writers writing fan-fiction - as long as this is not their only avenue. Admittedly, I still dabble in fan-fiction if I'm in between ideas, my original story isn't doing much for me, or if I just want to get back into the mood of writing.

And even for experienced writers, fan-fiction is good to exercise the writing muscle - to try new things, to perfect a skill, or to just keep you in shape in between projects.

While I would personally hesitate telling people that you're a writer if all you write is fan-fiction, fan-fiction can be constructive to any writer. It's important to remember that  fan-fiction has it's place - and this place is for personal enjoyment and exercising the writing muscle.

Write carefully, fanpeople.

~The WordShaker

Journaling as a Writer - and, More Importantly, as a Human Being

"Getting lost in something larger than myself always reminds me of the reasons why I write," -Anne Valente

I haven't been writing much, and as a writer at heart and by blood, this is like an mammal saying they haven't been breathing much. 

Usually, my writing - even though it's a fictional story - lets me release my thoughts, feelings, and emotions through characters and situations that are completely unrelated to my life. But since I've been ashamedly suffering from writer's block since like, August, journaling has become my forceful, if reluctant, outlet. 

In an attempt to relieve my creative and literary constipation, I've been journaling my days and my feelings away. 

And I've found that it's helped. 

It's helped me see how tainted my thoughts and emotions can be. With this, I always have the written perspective of time and my thoughts. 

Things I was freaking out about a week ago have become irrelevant or completely turned on their head. It helps me understand myself better, to pin down my thoughts somewhere tangible, where I can then wrestle with them and figure them out. 

And I can better understand myself, so I can better understand my writing - or lack thereof. 

Trust me, it helps in those in between chapter times or those emotional moments. 

Try it. It's like a drug. 

~The WordShaker 

NEVER DELETE YOUR WRITING: Advice For Writers

"Writing is 5% talent and 95% persistence," -Unknown

One upon a sixth-grade Olivia, I wrote a Hunger Games fanfiction. And, quite frankly, it was gold. It was feels-y and well written (by sixth-grade Olivia’s standards) and so much fun.

But then, I deleted it. I must have had a brain aneurysm, because I hit ctrl+a and then backspace for some stupid reason. And since then I’ve been searching and searching for this fanfiction, and I was wanting to find it because it had a scene in there that I wanted to study and reread. However, I remembered that I DELETED IT. Gone forever.

And I narrate this sad little tale to you all because, writers: I beg of you, DO NOT DELETE YOUR WRITING. Because sometimes you’ll want to go back and read it. And enjoy it all over again, just as much as when you wrote it.

I know because I recently went back and reread significant sections of my first novel.

Believe me, 90% of it will be crap. You’ll cringe over your poor word choice and unclear sentences. You’ll shake your head at the stupid decisions your characters make. And, ultimately, you’ll think “holy chocolate chip cookie dough, what the frick frack, crack-a-lack, h-e-double-hockey-sticks was I thinking when I wrote this?” And you’ll feel like a shitty writer for a hot minute.

But then, you’ll realize that you feel this way because you’ve improved. You begin looking at your writing with a critical eye, seeing ways you can improve it, which is good!

But the best part is when you find those little gold nuggets in a sea of pyrite. Those scenes where the characters are brilliant and three dimensional, those scenes where the scene moves and climaxes beautifully, those scenes where the villain is pure evil, where the emotions connect, where the writing is eloquent and effective.

And that. That is where you appreciate your characters, your stories, and how far you’ve come. And it gives you a reason to keep going.

So, my dear writer friends, NEVER DELETE YOUR WRITING. Because when you read it later, you never know what great things might come out of it.

~The WordShaker

Fear and Being a Writer

"If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood," -Peter Handke

Now that I'm eyebrow deep in editing - don't even get me started on how awful it is - I realize something that I've always held within me.  Every writer has it - the rationally irrational fear that their novel won't be perfect.  That we can edit and edit and edit but it will never be what we want, like clay drying out to an unmovable state.

I am finding this fear to be viscerally real. With a 100,000 word novel, I find that there are so many components and trashed ideas and ideas in the making and bad things and good things that it will always be this swirling whirlwind.

But not only in terms of the writer, that it will always be stressful and frustrating to us, but that our worst nightmares will come true. That everything we've poured our heart and soul into won't be perfect.  Then it won't translate to the reader. And then we have failed.

This week, we had to do a speech on fear, and I spoke about the fear of oblivion. That I will never live a full enough life.  That I missed it.  That I missed another gem that this life had to offer. And this is what I fear so deeply about my writing.  Not that I will never get published or that people will hate my book or that I'll never make money off of it, but that my readers will have missed the point of the story.

And I pray that no matter how verbose my writing, how Swiss-cheesy my plots, how foil thin my characters, that why I'm writing shines through anyways. That the never-ending message of Christ shows through and wipes away any impurities and strikes the heart of my reader.  Because if it does that, then I have succeeded in ways beyond any words.

As always, keep writing my word-shakers,

~The WordShaker

Beta Readers and Life Lessons

"Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself," -Frank Kafka

 Because I have no regrets, I have made another YouTube video - an update on the beta-reading process, which is entirely new territory for me, and as always some encouragement for ya'll.

Beta Readers and Life Lessons

Much love, 

~The WordShaker

More

"The scariest moment is always just before you start," -Stephen King

I was meant for more.  I was meant for more than just a 9 to 5 office job.  I was meant for more than to be bound by the alarm clock and my evening drink. I was made for more.  I was built and crafted by the hands of God for more than just this measly, bottom line life where I work just to live nicely and save up for retirement. 

I was meant to live dangerously.  Extremely.  Exuberantly.  Joyfully and thoughtfully and richly. Knowing my purpose and future has given me so much to live for.  Knowing that I have a husband and children and career and ministry of my dreams waiting for me is the voltage that keeps me surviving on the hardest, coldest days. Knowing God's plan for your life is so crucial, because once you know that, everything else will fall into place.  

I was meant for more.  I was destined for greatness only God can bestow upon his children.  And when I get distracted by the fuss of live and discouraged by everything everyone else is doing, I have to keep in mind that this is my story, this is my life and no one else's except for God's. 

We all were meant for more. We are all meant for God's greatness and beauty and love, but we must tap into these riches by following the path he has laid in front of us.  It might not always be pretty or nice or easy on the feet or eyes. 

But hope.  Hope for the future, that things will always end up right because God is leading us stray sheep along. 

I was meant for so much more than this.  And so were you. 

Much love,

~The WordShaker

My Review of Owl City's Mobile Orchestra

"Don't be afraid to write crap because crap makes good fertilizer," - Jessica Brody

Sorry for the lack of post last week. I have been on vacation and still am. Posting this now because I'm going to be traveling this weekend, and I don't know when I will have internet access to post. 

So, I am a huge Owl City fan.  I have loved him from the beginning.  Actually, probably not the beginning with Of June, but sometime between the Fireflies debut and All Things Bright and Beautiful.

But anyways, Owl City will forever be my core music.  Even if Adam Young changes, even if other music I like will come and go, there will always be Owl City.

Anyways, on to Mobile Orchestra.

1. Verge (feat. Aloe Blacc)

Star Rating: 2/5

Why I Chose this Rating: *deep sigh* This is kind of like Good Time, in the sense that it's a marketing campaign and just the purpose of being a single. Formulaic. Aloe Blacc has a nice voice, but again, he doesn't mesh well with Adam's voice.  I wish he'd go back to using Matthew Thiessen, Lights, and Breanne Duren as his backing vocals, because their voices were perfect for OC's sound and his voice. I don't have much else to say about this thing, other than the intro is stolen from Shooting Star and the bridge is from Wolf Bite.

Favorite Lyric: I ain't too sure what I believe in / But I believe in what I see / And when I close my eyes / I see my whole life ahead of me

2. I Found Love

Star Rating: 4/5

Why I Chose this Rating: I love this song, if Bird with a Broken Wing wasn't on here, this would probably be my favorite. I love this song, mostly because it reminds me of one of my characters and his almost-death and his love for my female main character.  It definitely rings true with his attitude, because he knows that his death is near.  This reminds me of TMS: Acoustic, which I like, with the strings and synths.  It's not amazing or mind-blowing, but it is sweet and reverent and desperate and bright and hopeful all at the same time.  I can definitely feel the love.

Favorite Lyric: I'm not afraid / Because your love / It falls like rain / It burns like fire

3. Thunderstruck (feat. Sarah Russell)

Star Rating: 4/5

Why I Chose this Rating: LOVE the EDM vibe here.  I love electronic music, so this is amazing.  It is complex, and dreamy in a more mature way that feels like lights are streaking by around you and you could jump up and dance and couple dance at the same time. I have never been in love, so it's harder for me to connect to his love songs, but I still like this one.  I still can rock out to it.  And Sarah Russell, who I have never heard of as well, is one of the only collab. artists whose voice meshes well with Adam's voice. Overall, awesome, but it will probably be better when I'm not as single as a sock after a cycle through the laundry.

Favorite Lyric: I chase the phantoms down the hall / I watch the floorboards rise and fall / I lost and never loved at all

4. My Everything

Star Rating: 3.5/5

Why I Chose this Rating: This is probably my favorite explicitly Christian songs Adam has made of late.  It seems to have more life and spunk than the other direct songs he's been putting out.  I can sing to it nicely and feel the reverence he has.

Favorite Lyric: And I sing, Hallelujah / My almighty God divine / Hallelujah / I am yours and you are mine / This is all I know I how to say / Hallelujah

5. Unbelievable (feat. Hanson)

Star Rating: 4/5

Why I Chose this Rating: This is such a fun song, and even though a lot of people dislike it because of it's simplicity, I am a child of the nineties, so this strikes my nostalgic vein.  This song is so happy-go-lucky, I can't help but smile, which is one of the qualities I always look for in an Owl City song. Hanson is a nice touch, even though I've never heard of them. It's a nice, bubbly change of pace in the midst of a darker album.

Favorite Lyric: It’s unbelievable / When I think back, I'm amazed / It’s unbelievable / Cause baby those were the days / It’s unbelievable / It ruled in so many ways / It’s unbelievable

6. Bird With a Broken Wing

Star Rating: 5/5

Why I Chose this Rating: This is by far my favorite song off of this album.  It's not as beautifully lyrical as his old stuff, but this song shows that he's still got the touch inside of him.  This is the classic Owl City sound: darkly encouraging. It shows Adam Young's will to survive, and his pure passion.  It goes back to his feeling of a misfit and a survivor in this hard life, which I connect with greatly. This song is just amazing in every way - from the lyrics to the pounding electric guitar to the hopeful darkness that lingers. I can't even.

Favorite Lyric: I'm an astronaut / On the ocean floor and basically the whole chorus.  Actually, the whole song.

7. Back Home (feat. Jake Owens)

Star Rating: 3.5/5

Why I Chose this Rating: Even though I hate hate hate country with a burning passion, I like this song.  It has a nice vibe, and it reminds me of small-town fun that I grew up and still experience.  It reminds me of late summer nights and snowball fights and wading through the river and fireworks and just everything small-town and humble.  Even though I usually dislike living in the small town midwest, this gives me perspective about how cool it is, regardless. The guitars are nice, but my only real critique of this song is that I just wish that it was only Adam singing.  Jake Owen's voice is okay, but it clashes and doesn't mix well with Adam's. This song would have gotten a four if it was 100% Adam Young.

Favorite Lyric: Personally, I love the entire chorus of this song: I'm saying goodbye to the skyline / Hello to the sweet pines / Gonna see you later street lights / I'm headed back to tree lines / To free time and starry nights / To bonfires and fire flies / Pack your bags it's time to go / Cause we got brighter lights back home

8. Can't Live Without You

Star Rating: 2.5/5

Why I Chose this Rating: I wish Adam would start writing songs like Galaxies, Meteor Shower, Tidal Wave, and Dreams and Disasters, songs where you would have to listen to them three or four times to know that they were about God. Unfortunately, all that's coming out is Christian contemporary run through the Owl City filter. That's what I loved about Owl City, is that he didn't bang you over the head with it. And yes, people and things change, but I personally liked the previous style better. This song, however, is unimpressive and lackluster.  He steals the hook melody from Wolf Bite, and the background synths are directly from Wolf Bite too.  It has a nice melody and aesthetic, but I'd like it much better if it had original background music and more creative and elusive lyrics.  It just doesn't seem as creative or original as the other songs on the album. But I feel like this is one of those songs that's going to grow on me. It, however, has a nice beat.

Favorite Lyric: When I trip and I fall / I collapse like a tidal wave

9&10. You're Not Alone (feat. Britt Nicole) and This Isn't the End

I will not be reviewing You're Not Alone and This Isn't the End, mostly because I'm a bit disappointed in Adam just tagging these two songs onto the end to make the album longer.  It shows . . . laziness.   And personally, I feel like he should have added Tokyo and Beautiful Times on.

Back to Mobile Orchestra, I have some last concluding thoughts. It struck some truly great notes (Bird With a Broken Wing, I Found Love, Thunderstruck, Back Home), but there were places that it went very wrong (Verge, the two tacked on songs at the end, all of the collaborations). Overall though, this album doesn't have much direction.  With all of the other Owl City albums, they had a common aesthetic and sound that made it an album, not just a collection of songs. There will be songs like Bird With a Broken Wing that I will always listen to for ages to come, but songs that I will definitely skip over.  Mobile Orchestra is a haystack, and it has some needles that need to be found.

However, I am afraid to say that I am quite disappointed with Owl City/Adam Young at the moment. Maybe it's not him.  Maybe it's his record company and his managers, but it seems that he's lost his focus, or is focusing on the wrong things, yet they keep making him pump out music. Which is wrong.

Maybe it will grow on me like The Midsummer Station did.

~The WordShaker