A List of Doubts for Future Me

"The pain taught me how to write, and the writing taught me how to heal," -Harman Kaur

I had massive doubts concerning A Cactus In the Valley, but look where we are now? But I didn't write them down, mostly because I probably didn't give them the time of day or didn't want to verbalize them.

But now that I'm struggling through a new novel - and messing with the slog of scholarship applications and college stuff, I wish I had written down those times I felt awful, doubtful, useless. 

So, for future Olivia. Either when I'm looking back with rose colored glasses, or writing a new novel or pursuing a career and wish to find solace in knowing that these were just feelings, and that they've all passed I've done it before, so I can do it again. 

So. For future me, yeah. 

And totally not because I'm feeling like a shitty writer at the moment. 

~

1. My characters will always be underdeveloped, my writing always floundering, my plot always incomplete. 

That my characters will never become as alive as Terra or Wyatt, or as any of my other characters from any of my other stories. That what I'm aiming for in my writing will never stick. It seems to be such a monstrous, insurmountable task that I'll never complete. 

3. My story will never be good enough for my standards, much less for anyone else to read. 

No matter how much I work on it, it will never be perfect. And I'll never be happy with it. Which breaks my heart, because I have such a deep love for my other stories, but I have yet to fall deeply, endlessly, ferociously in love with this story. And I want to be so in love with this story, but I'm not yet. 

4. This isn't the novel I should be writing. 

I'm scared that I should be working on other projects, namely a few novellas and a trilogy that I had cooked up. I'm scared that the story itself isn't ready yet, that it's too underdeveloped for me to jump right in. 

5. My story will never stick. 

I'm so worried that no matter what, I'll never be able to work on my story to a place where I believe the story, to where I feel the story. To where it makes me laugh and cry. To where the characters jump off the page and I can't bear to do anything else. Where I'm never uninspired. 

6. I'm not actually a good writer - just good compared to the people around me.

This is a big one. Because what if I get to SCAD and find that, amongst the great, I'm only okay. What if I'm not scholarship worthy? What if I'm not bestseller good? I guess I've put all my eggs in one basket. 

~

All in all, a part of me knows that these doubts will subside and that I will come to accept and love my story, and to push through and finish. 

But right now, I just have to write and write and self-loathe and pray that everything will be ironed out. 

The only reason I know this is because that's what happened with My Life, Your Life, and Other Dumb Things, and A Cactus In The Valley.

I just wish I had written it down. 

~The WordShaker

#OLIVIAJISPUBLISHED | Life Announcement

"Any good writer is going to be well-received and also not be well-received; that's how you know you're a great writer," -Karrine Steffans

Is this even a life announcement at this point? You must have been living under a rock if you haven't heard about #OliviaJisPublished!  Read about A Cactus In the Valley here!

follow me on instagram @olivia.j.the.wordshaker

But yes, my novel is published and is now available for purchase!

It is available for in-person purchase September 10th, and then on Amazon subsequently - link coming soon!

ESSENTIAL INFORMATION: 

Release Date: September 10th, 2017Price: $13.99

Disclaimer: this book is self-published, and even though I've had many people proofread this book, it's still not perfect, and I guess I have to be okay that it's never going to be perfect. 

So, this is it, I guess. I'm beyond excited to share this book with you guys, and truthfully, I'm glad to be done with this process and this story as a whole. 

I love you all, and I appreciate every single person who purchases my book, even if you don't read it because I understand that not everyone is a reader. But I appreciate it still, because it means you still want to support me in my journey, in my passions, and, ultimately, in my career choice. 

Even though my book is now out, I won't stop talking about #OliviaJisPublished, just so I can still get the word out, and because I might have more to say. 

Conclusively, I am forever grateful and am unbelievably excited. This truly has been a labor of love, and I hope it pays off. 

~The WordShaker

How We Learn Better From Bad Stories | Writing Advice

"Being a writer requires intoxication with language," -Jim Harrison

I have a strange hypothesis, that everyone should watch bad or subpar movies, read subpar books, etc. because we can learn about stories so much better that way. 

Now hear me out, because the popular dialogue says otherwise. By consuming good media and identifying why it's good, then our creations will become better, right?

Wrong. 

See, everything we create is tainted with our emotional connection to it, so we can't see it in full clarity. And we can unsuccessfully emulate something we like in our art. 

But if we cut out everything that's bad, everything that we can identify in subpar fiction, then that can vastly improve our writing. 

To prove my point, I recently watched The Space Between Us with my friend, and it was okay. It had its moments of brilliance, and, inevitably, it had its missteps. Spoilers, duh. 

But by watching a movie like this, I was able to look at it critically and better see what it did right and what it did wrong. 

When we read okay books and watch okay fiction, the bad stuff seems to pop out, as does the good stuff. For example, the origins of the relationship between Gardner (Asa Butterfield) and Tulsa (Britt Robertson) are never established, so there is a delay in which the audience connects to their relationship. 

The focus was also a little off. A significant amount of time is spent with the adults in the movie, namely Gardner's father and his mother figure, Kendra, when it should have been focused more on the romance between Tulsa and Gardner. I say this only because this was how the movie was marketed, and it seemed to be the overarching theme of the movie as well. 

But The Space Between Us also does some things well. It's aesthetically beautiful and has some poignant lines. It has a lot of potential in its concept and characters, but it barely scratches the surface with Gardner and Tulsa, who had the beginnings of enthralling and deep characters. 

Seeing the potential in an "okay" story is inspiring to the writer, scriptwriter, filmmaker, storyteller. By seeing what doesn't work and why - and, by default, seeing what does work - allows us to apply it to our own stories. 

So, go watch that 3/5 star rated movie, and read that book you know you probably won't like. It will help you in the long run. 

~The WordShaker

My First Love | Olivia J

"Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on," -Louis L'Amour

Writing will always be my first love. Everything else is just varying degrees of side hoes.

Taking God out of the equation, which seems counterintuitive, writing will always be my first earthly love, because it springs of a place of God.

My dad, when describing the musical genius Adam Young, always says that God just came down and dropped a little bit of glory, a smidgen of pure talent into Adam Young and blessed him. Not that I can compare to the electropop god himself, but it seems like it's the same concept.

Writing will always be my first love, because it's something so essential to who I am; it can never be removed. You can take the person out of the writing, meaning you can, with all that's physically possible, stop me from writing. But you can't take the writer out of the person, meaning no matter what, I'll always be a writer.

When everything is wrong, when even God seems far away, I always have my words. I'll always have my writing.

Because, while it might seem like I'm glorifying my writing, I'm not. My writing is a direct connection to God, and I know that He's listening, despite what I feel, despite if I ever hear anything back.

Writing will always be my first love, because when the whole world falls away, I know I'm a writer. I know that this is who I am in Christ, and that is my destiny and my fate. I know that because there's a spark, a never ending flame of passion, that can never be snuffed out. The spark that makes the words explode out of me in screaming color. The spark that makes my words touch people in their wounds. The spark that makes my heart cry to tell stories, to hear stories. To be a story.

Writing will always be my first love, ever since I drew terrible pictures of people and scribbled landscapes when I was four. I made my mom write down the narration and dialogue, and then we stapled them together. From that point on, my feet were set. I fell in love, as much as a four year old could, with stories, with art.

Writing will always be my first love. No questions asked.

~The WordShaker

Some Thoughts on Logan, Amongst my Tears.

"There are many reasons to write that have nothing to do with being published. It allows us to work through some of life's hardest knocks - loss, grief, illness, addiction, disappointment, failure - and to find understanding and solace in it," -William Zinsser

*LOGAN SPOILERS, duh*

I haven't cried this hard over fictional characters in YEARS. Last time was when I finished Lost for the second time. 

If you don't believe me, you should have checked my Snapchat story that night. 

 sc: hootowltree

All great things must come to an end, and I think that's why I'm so sad. 

But, truly, this movie is a masterpiece. I don't see how anyone couldn't have sobbed when this movie ended. This movie was an absolute masterpiece, a perfect closer to an epic anti-hero.

My only gripe is that they didn't spend enough time on Charles's death. He is the title character of the X-Men series. If they had slipped only five minutes more of emotional tenderness concerning his death, then I would have been fine. His death was so sudden, that there wasn't enough time for the audience to process this. 

The only reason it took me out of the movie is because we see how much Logan cares for Charles, and when there's not enough time to see him mourn, it feels disrespectful and inappropriate. 


Logan develops character and has tender, nuanced, emotional moments without being sappy or deterring the plot. Everything germinates organically, and, like Logan himself, we don't realize how attached we are until the end, until it's too late, until it's over. 

Logan's death was . . . it had me speechless. Everything in the X-Men series, his three movies, had been building to was this. The emotional journey Logan takes is phenomenal. He's forced to face his mortality, his past, and his future with subtle clarity. 

I found it akin to Charlie Pace's death in Lost. The reason it was so touching and heartbreaking is because truthfully, we all saw it coming, and it completed his character arc. Logan finally made peace with himself, was redeemed, and found his purpose. Through Laura, Logan finds himself again, sees life through her eyes, finds love and tenderness in his hardened heart, and does what all parents are supposed to do: forge a better life for their children. It harkens back to the whole series and brings it to a close in the most Wolverine way possible. 

His death was perfect. Laura breaking down, crying, burying him, was even more perfect. It was just perfect.

I can't bear to even describe it to you. You just have to go and see it for yourself. 

This movie is a masterpiece not only because it is beautiful, flawlessly executed, masterfully directed, perfectly acted, and marvelously scored, but because it made me feel something. I cried for a solid 20 minutes during and after the movie. Now, as I'm writing this, I am numb because it was just that good. 

This was truly a fantastic story. Not a fantastic superhero movie, not a fantastic action story, but a great story in its own right, following a character we've come to adore. 

After the last shot closed, after the credits rolled, after everyone left, I just sat in my seat in the theater, sobbing. This story reached me in ways I will never be able to voice in the trillions of combinations of the English letters.

Because everything it was building to, was over.  I love the character of Wolverine - he's my favorite superhero. And to see it all end like this breaks my heart and fills it at the same time. The emotions I was feeling, the way it connected with me, is what it's all about.

~

I truly aspire to be as great as this. I aspire to tell stories that change people, that tug at their heartstrings. That make them think and feel and understand themselves and the world around them. 

I aspire to teach others these stories, and to teach them how to create ones like these, of their own. 

Because stories reach us in ways that nothing else can. 

And that's a fact, Jack.

~The WordShaker

Chapters of Our Lives | How Writers Handle Life

"Blessed are the weird people: poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters, troubadours, for they teach us to see the world through different eyes," -Jacob Nordby

My last novel was about surviving. But this one is about living.

My last novel, titled A Cactus In the Valley was about two teenagers working through their issues while surviving in the desert. It was to show that no matter how bad life is or how bad life has been, that we can always overcome. That there is always hope to conquer anything. That no matter how bad life can get, that it can always get better.

This novel, which has yet to have a title, is about six teenagers, each struggling with a different aspect in their lives. While it does deal with them struggling, it has more emphasis on them living - experiencing, loving, just being, appreciating the good and where they are in life. That no matter how bad life can get, or how bad life already is - that it can always be good. Something about life is always good, even when the hurricane rages on and the whole world is crashing down around you.

My point in this is that each "segment"of my life is a story. Everything I am, everything I learn, goes into all of my novels. And, I think, as writers, this is how we deal with things, how we tie everything in life into a nice little bow and send it off. A culmination of our lives, of a season. 

The past six months, maybe even year, have been a novel in the making. But when I was going through it, I hated it. I didn't understand why I couldn't write. 

And now, to send off this season of my life, I need to write about it. As painful and as raw as it might be.

~The WordShaker

Success as a Writer | Olivia J

"Writing is a dangerous profession. There's no telling what hole you may rip in society's carefully woven master narrative," -Danielle Orner

Recently, I've revived some of my wonderful beta readers. Yesterday, one of them finally finished my novel, way ahead of time.

One of her comments at the end of the last chapter was:

"Honestly, it's been a while since I got emotionally invested in a story like I did with this one. You are a brilliant writer, and I'm so excited to see where you go with this beautiful work of art. When you're a famous author someday, I will have the privilege of being one of your biggest fans. This story was so powerful and full of messages that aren't easy to read, but need to be shared. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul into this book. I am confident it and all of your writing  will go on to inspire people for generations to come."

This comment almost made me cry. Nothing - and I mean nothing. No paycheck, no award, nothing - can compare to the feeling that your reader got it. They fully understood what you were trying to convey, and it impacted them.

This is true success as a writer. Many people think when I say I want to be an author, they think I want to be the next Stephen King or J.K. Rowling. And truthfully, it would be nice, but the fame and the money isn't what it's all about. 

And sure, being a household name means more people will buy and read your books, which will make the story have a larger impact in numbers, but true success as a writer isn't determined by the number of copies you sell, or how much money you make. 

It's determined by the souls you touch and the lives you change. This cannot be quantifiably measured, by any statistic, any paycheck. It's the impact you make on others, and yourself, that matters. 

Now, writers, go get people to read your work - because the most satisfying thing is knowing your art -the very thing that helped you heal your heart and soul - reached across the great human divide and healed someone else's. 

~The WordShaker

Journaling as a Writer - and, More Importantly, as a Human Being

"Getting lost in something larger than myself always reminds me of the reasons why I write," -Anne Valente

I haven't been writing much, and as a writer at heart and by blood, this is like an mammal saying they haven't been breathing much. 

Usually, my writing - even though it's a fictional story - lets me release my thoughts, feelings, and emotions through characters and situations that are completely unrelated to my life. But since I've been ashamedly suffering from writer's block since like, August, journaling has become my forceful, if reluctant, outlet. 

In an attempt to relieve my creative and literary constipation, I've been journaling my days and my feelings away. 

And I've found that it's helped. 

It's helped me see how tainted my thoughts and emotions can be. With this, I always have the written perspective of time and my thoughts. 

Things I was freaking out about a week ago have become irrelevant or completely turned on their head. It helps me understand myself better, to pin down my thoughts somewhere tangible, where I can then wrestle with them and figure them out. 

And I can better understand myself, so I can better understand my writing - or lack thereof. 

Trust me, it helps in those in between chapter times or those emotional moments. 

Try it. It's like a drug. 

~The WordShaker 

PG-13 Material in Christian Art

"We write down made up stories to tell the truths we wish we could say out loud," - Linda Schreyer

We've all read The Hunger Games, we've all seen The Breakfast Club. We all know that violence, sex, language and other adult material is rampant in secular media, and, for the most part, we've come to accept it.

But what about adult material in Christian art? Everyone's heard about the ridiculously idealistic Christian movies with terrible scores, everyone has seen the Amish-clad and excessively boring Christian fiction section. For the most part, Christian art is squeaky clean, because, in order for it to succeed, people believe it needs to appeal to that homeschooling mom who gasps in horror at four letter words and won't let her kids watch anything secular. 

There's plenty of Christian media that caters to those kinds of people. 

But what about the rest of us?  Do we have to suffer through cheesy movies, only watching them because they're Christian?  Do we have to read idealistic fiction because it's the only 'pure' thing out there?

Absolutely not. 

But first, the term "Christian art" needs to be defined. In simplest terms, it can be art created by a person who is a Christian, but this can branch off into many different subcategories. 

1. Art that has no Christian themes or motives, but is just creative expression for the sake of sending another message or just art because art is awesome. 

2. Art created specifically for Christians to consume. This art is the most prevalent, and is the squeaky-cleanest. This is meant to uplift and enforce the reader's already Christian beliefs. 

3. Art created to speak to people - to teach them, to comfort them, to uplift them. Whether those people be other Christians - who, remember, are just as broken as the rest of us - or secular people who need to see a message of love in a visual, auditory, or written way. The third definition is usually the most racy. 

Examples of the third definition:

King's Kaleidoscope: A Prayer

Hot by Laura L. Smith 

And this third definition is what I've always found most appealing, especially as I've matured. 

As I grew older, the squeaky clean, cookie cutter and idealistic 'Christian art' wasn't doing it for me anymore. For a while, I searched for Christian books, bands, movies, but came up mostly empty handed. I couldn't find the substance and relatability along with good execution, so I turned to secular art, and, on some level, was able to find all of the above things. 

But still, I was missing something. And the lacking I found in both Christian art and secular art (especially books in my case), inspired me to write two novels which reflected what I knew that Christian art was lacking:

Violence, Sex, Language, Drugs, and Adult Themes

Not that these things are good, but that they are real. The hard things in life are what has made God send his Son to die for our sins, for us. And erasing these things from Christian media only perpetuates the myth that Christians are perfect, or, that once you become a Christian, you will be perfect. 

Including the hard things, the bad things, the dirty things, in your art adds the reality, the relatability, and makes the story of redemption and the saving grace of God even more impactful. 

So hey, by all means, throw some blood at your readers, swear a little, let it all hang out. 

But make sure it's got a good reason. 

~The WordShaker

PEOPLE not Plot Devices | Tip #1 To Writing Dimensional Characters

"Stories are just data with a soul," -Brene Brown

One of my biggest pet peeves (and I have a lot of them) is when a character is a plot device. And I don't mean when a character is used as a plot device, meaning that there is a specific instance when a character is used to further the plot instead of an event, etc. 

This most often manifests itself in the form of a manic pixie dream character. 

If you've ever seen any media ever, then you probably know what a manic pixie dream character is. It is defined as:

a idealistic character, usually a female, whose sole purpose is to show another character the good in life and to teach them lessons on how to 'live"

*sigh* Now, I've found that this applies to male characters just as much as female characters. Some examples include:

Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars, Alaska Young from Looking for Alaska, Will Traynor from Me Before You, Margo Roth Spiegelman from Paper Towns, Sam from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Theodore Finch from All The Bright Places

And these are just examples from YA. 

Even if you have everything else that makes a good character, but are still struggling with the character's sole purpose being a plot device, I have the one trick that will turn your quirky and likable love interest into a dimentional, stand-alone character with a purpose. 

1. Give them a GOAL. 

Not only this, but a goal that doesn't have to do with the character they're trying to 'change'. 

A goal will give your character a purpose in the story, a purpose to solve the case or to make it out alive or to fight the dragon. 

This is important because after said character is done being a plot device, they usually die because they've served their purpose.

However, if you give this character a goal, they'll have a reason to keep living, they'll have a storyline outside of the main character. 

And this is super important - it allows the character to stand on their own, like any actual human being. 

Because art imitates life. 

Or is that the other way around?

Enjoy writing your purposeful and dimensional characters, friends!

~The WordShaker

When Your Story Isn't Done With You Yet

"Sometimes, only paper will listen to you," -Pulchritude Press

A writer's gotta write.

And lately, I haven't been doing much of that.

With my novel in the beta-process and the two stories I have ideas for are sticking as well as throwing paper darts at a smooth wall, I have found myself focusing in on my blog, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But still, I feel useless, inept, when I don't have a story to throw myself into. And even though the beta-reader process sucks more often than not, I still find myself clinging to these characters, this world. With my last novel, I found myself having a sense of catharsis, and when I got it done, the passion for it faded. I didn't have this urge that I have with this one for people to read it, for it to be polished and perfect, to get it in to people's hands.

But I can't seem to move on to another story, even while this one is in a lull concerning it's author. I guess Wyatt, Terra, and the endless desert of their lives aren't done with me.

Which is totally fine by me.

Blessing and encouragement to you all, writers!

~The WordShaker

4 Reasons Why Storytelling is Superior to Poetry

"The telling of stories creates the real world," -Alberto Manguel 

Remember, that this is all my opinion.  But also remember, if you disagree: 

;)

Stories are essential to human life and survival.  Sure, people might think that it's natural selection, survival of the fittest stuff that keeps us around, but really, it's stories that enrich our lives and allow us to keep moving on as a species. 

Aside from the melodrama, stories still are a crucial part of our history and culture - less specifically, writing is - but stories, they are far superior to poetry.  So, if you don't get anything else out of this post, remember this:  

stories > poetry

And here are four reasons why. 

1. Storytelling is more elusive and drawn out
Something powerful about stories that poetry doesn't have is that we are able to push across subtle themes by utilizing the vehicle we all know - through people, through emotions, through events. Poetry, however, most times has to be stated or hinted at, which isn't always as effective.  Sure, we've read a lot of poems - ones we like or love, surely, but what do we ask most people when getting to know them?  (Hint: the answer is "What's your favorite book?")  Because the ultimate power in stories is limitless.  Stories stay with us forever.  They are imprinted into our minds and hearts with the gritty characters and perfect delivery. Stories teach us, they guide us.  

2. It takes more loyalty and perseverance to write a novel
I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't take you years to write poems. I'm not saying that writing poetry is easy, but people have no idea how much time and grueling effort that goes into creating something from nothing. 

I've heard many writers - who mostly write poetry, that they've had a few story ideas, and they've even gone as far as to start writing.  Many of them express shame that they have never been able to stick with a novel because it's such a grueling project.  This shows that it takes much more dedication to write a 100,000 word novel with characters and settings and themes and everything that goes along with it.  Writing a poem and writing a novel are like writing a sentence compared to a ten page paper. Yes, I am aware that some people just aren't storytellers - and some people are natural poets, but the amount of dedication required to start and finish a story is mountainous.  Unbreakably strong ties are made between an author and their characters and even the story itself - incomparable to the cathartic ramblings of poetry. Writing a story is like childbirth, and nothing is comparable to the function that gives life to all. 

3. Stories are what defines us as a race and society

Civilizations are not remembered by the average worker bee.  They are not remembered by the man who went to school, followed the rules, got married, got a job, saved up for retirement, and died content. Civilizations are known for their art - for the stories they told.  The stories of the Bible tell us of everything from the Babylonian empire  to the reign of the Romans. Homer's Iliad and Odyssey defined Ancient Greece for us. Shakespeare is the head of the Renaissance of writers.  When all else slips away, the stories of the people remain. The written word is eternal and powerful. 

Moving on, poetry only occasionally makes it into the collection of stories, and even then, it is usually a story in poem form. Stories, everything from folklore to scripts to The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, are intensely studied and make for the building blocks for cultures and society. 

4. Storytelling is a part of human nature
If you were a human child, which, I assume you were since you're reading this, you probably played with some kind of toys.  I don't mean to be stereotypical, but if you were a girl, you probably had baby dolls or Barbies or dress-up or played house. If you were a boy, you probably had Nerf guns and action figures and race cars. Even video games are immersing oneself, creating a character for yourself and going through a mission. But what do all of these things have in common?  Why are they related to storytelling?  Because all of these mundane, childhood activities have to do with one thing: playing pretend. Pretending that you are a professional chef, pretending that you were the only fairy that could save the fairy land, pretending you were fighting evil aliens off with your best friends.  The pretending opportunities are endless. And by pretending, you are creating characters and worlds and a story from which there is none. Without realizing it, every child is a storyteller at heart, but it is the novelists who just take this task along with them into adulthood. Storytelling is innate and crucial to our survival. 

This kind of turned out to be more of a praise on storytelling but oh well.  I hope you enjoyed this and have a fresh, lovely take on the art of storytelling. 

Never stop writing,

~The WordShaker